In the spring of last year, I decided to start going to therapy. The decision was a long time coming, and after six months, I can confidently say that it has been one of the best choices I have ever made for myself. I won’t get into any specifics as to why I started going, but what I can say is that you don’t have to go through a very traumatic or life-altering experience to start seeing a therapist (although that is also an excellent reason to do so). All you have to do is realize that you need help and that it is okay to need it. Life in general, especially during transitionary periods like young adulthood and a global pandemic, will often take a toll on our mental health if we do not take the time to address our feelings and struggles or figure out strategies to help ourselves. Although we may feel like our problems are too “small” or petty compared to other people, or it is too hard to talk about our feelings, therapy is a great way to discover who we are, what we value, and who we want to be. I believe everyone has something to gain from talking to a therapist, as I have made progress in learning about myself and how I want to live my life.
One of the most important aspects of therapy is that your therapist acts as a neutral party. When discussing with a friend about someone who wronged you, for example, your friend may be prone to siding with your perspective wholeheartedly, which, although it may validate your feelings, does not always allow you to do the introspection that is often necessary to grow from such experiences. We may like to think we are always in the right, and therefore the issue is always the other people involved, but even if that’s primarily true at times, there is nothing to be gained from a continuous belief that you can do no wrong. A therapist is beneficial in shedding light on these complex aspects of our interactions and relationships with the people in our lives. Your therapist is there to help you, but that does not mean they won’t call you out on behaviors you can change and attitudes you can maintain constructively. Whether romantic, familial, or friendship, a relationship requires all participants to maintain its health and strength. Therefore we must learn to examine our part in a non-judgemental, supportive environment that will simultaneously validate our feelings and allow us to grow.
Although there are some issues and traumas from our past that are incredibly difficult to simply “move on” from, there is no issue, no matter how small, that is necessarily “fixed” or “solved” due to therapy. The way I like to look at it is that therapy is a tool to help us delve into our issues, examine how they make us feel and impact us, and find ways we can address the harm that was done. Without getting into too much detail, one of the issues I have brought up in thAlthough there are some issues and traumas from our past that are incredibly difficult to “move on” from, there is no issue, no matter how small, that is necessarily “fixed” or “solved” due to therapy. I like to look at it this way because therapy is a tool to help us delve into our issues, examine how they make us feel and impact us, and find ways to address the harm that was done. Without sharing too much detail, one of the issues I have brought up in therapy was a sudden loss of friendship in high school. Although this event may not seem like something that would warrant a deep psychological discussion, this hurt me and affected how I continued to view my relationships with others. By examining the situation with a neutral professional, I looked at what happened from an outsider’s perspective, which helped me come to terms with and better understand the impact it had on me. By no means did this give me a “cure” for the negative thinking patterns I developed as a result of the issue, but what it did accomplish was that it allowed me to find some closure on the matter, which has helped me go on with my life without feeling so held back by that pain. Although not all our issues necessarily warrant a therapist’s perspective, nor can all problems be helped by therapy alone, therapy is a great starting point for delving into issues affecting us in ways that negatively impact our lives. Thus, helping us work to accept and move through that harm can help us lead happier lives.
Therapy can be an undeniably beneficial practice, yet I’m sure we’re all tired of being bogged down by the phrase “self-care.” Often self-care is reduced to a catch-all that does not detail a particular means for practicing it, much less finding time for it. This sentiment is not to say that self-care isn’t important; however, it is not always productive to tell someone struggling to put on a sheet mask and eat ice cream because sometimes self-care entails more than just a fun activity. To me, self-care is about self-preservation. A way that therapy has helped me re-frame my perspective on self-care is to prioritize myself. By going to therapy once a week and journaling, I prioritize addressing my feelings and concerns about my life. By making time to watch a new movie, I prioritize doing something that will make me happy. One of the biggest problems I have uncovered through therapy is prioritizing other people’s concerns above my own. However this issue may manifest itself in my life, my overarching strategy for addressing this problem is to put my needs above what someone may want me to do or what I assume someone wants me to do, all so that I do not hurt someone else. My therapist always tells me that other people’s reactions to how I choose to live my life are not my responsibility. Framing self-preservation and self-care around this idea has helped me soothe my anxieties about choosing to put myself first. When it comes to the lessons I have learned from therapy; the important takeaway is that working on yourself and putting yourself first is not selfish, and seeking help and admitting you’re struggling is not weak. Life throws constant challenges at us, and when we can find ways to reckon with these challenges, we can open ourselves up to how we want to live.