If Ann Arbor Bars Were Characters from ‘The Office’

No two bars in Ann Arbor are quite the same. Each has its own drinks, its own vibe, and its own typical set of patrons. After four years, most seniors are pretty well-versed in what kind of night they’ll have based on their bar choice. Do you have a lot of pent-up energy and crippling loneliness? Skeeps is your place! Do you want to feign maturity in the hopes of somehow preparing yourself for the post-graduate adult world? Try MASH! You can completely alter the end results of your night by choosing a particular bar, like a choose-your-own-adventure of binge drinking.

But have you ever wondered about the ways in which each bars’ characteristics might align with those of your favorite characters from the witty sitcom, ‘The Office’? If you’re being honest… probably not. That’s a really strange thought to have once, let alone multiple times. But for the sake of my own juvenile entertainment, let’s go through which Ann Arbor Bars each Office character would be:

1.    Michael Scott: Skeeps

Similarly to Michael, Skeeps is the ultimate ‘try-hard’ of bars, but we all still love it for some reason. Selling giant pitchers of mixed drinks and sporting a clientele comprised mostly of people wearing the most eye-catching outfit they could find, Skeeps encompasses Michael’s eagerness to fit in. Not to mention that Skeeps’ patrons, much like Michael Scott, are in a constant state of trying to get laid.

2.   Jim Halpert: Ricks  

Ricks is very much the ‘cool guy’ in the office. With its strict ID-checking at the entrance, the assurance of a 21+ clientele gives Ricks and air of exclusivity, and the long line out the door makes patrons feel lucky once they get in.

3.   Pam Beesly: Charley’s

Just like the lovely Pam, Charley’s is the bar of choice if you’re looking for some wholesome fun. Groups of friends gather around pitchers to strengthen their emotional bonds, not to get blackout or go home with someone. Charley’s also offers their famous trivia night, which highlights the intellectual stimulation that someone like Pam Beesly craves.

4.   Dwight Schrute: LIVE!

Finding an Ann Arbor bar that perfectly captures Dwight’s weirdness is tricky, so the closest I could get was LIVE!. There’s nothing inherently strange about LIVE!- it has good music and a solid dancefloor- but each night there is usually interrupted by some strange event. Maybe you’ll have an uncomfortable conversation with a security guard, or maybe a 50-year-old man will tell you that you have pretty hair. But like Dwight Schrute, it is guaranteed to be an… eccentric time.

5.   Kevin Malone: Cantina

Oh, Cantina. Just like The Office’s loveable idiot, Cantina has good intentions, but will simply never be cool. Could it be because it’s filled entirely with freshman who all behave like their just had their braces removed? Perhaps. You may not want to hang out there every night, but once in a while you’ve got to show a little love to the place that never ever says no to anyone.

6.   Oscar Martinez: The Last Word

Like Oscar, The Last Word touts a vibe of higher intellect and a taste for the finer things in life. Full of grad students and people who actually know what an ‘Old Fashioned’ is, The Last Word, like Oscar, may come off as pretentious at times, but you’ll always leave feeling just a tad bit more adult than you were before.

7.   Phyllis Vance: Study Hall Lounge

Like Phyllis, Study Hall Lounge is a bit of an oddball. Some nights it’s completely packed, other nights there’s nobody in sight except for maybe a handful of Ypsilantians. But the characteristic that most binds these two are their surprisingly sexual nature. Phyllis surprises us with kinky remarks about Bob Vance constantly, and Study Hall, though seemingly innocent, often shocks everyone with some uncomfortably sexual dancers out on the floor.

8.   Meredith Palmer: Pizza House

Though perhaps it’s not technically a bar, Pizza House is the only rational choice for Meredith Palmer, as their share one critical trait: they’re both complete and utter shit-shows. Nobody has gone to Pizza House past 1am without either causing a drunken scene or falling asleep in their cheesy bread, and Meredith Palmer has flashed her co-workers upwards of a dozen times. We feel just as bad for th late-shift employees at Pizza House as we do for Meredith Palmer’s children. God bless ‘em.

 

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