Relationships are a two-way street. It’s unhealthy to sacrifice your own needs in order to avoid conflict. Even if you’re a people pleaser who painstakingly goes with the flow, you’re sure to come across a situation where you need to speak up for yourself. This is why self-advocacy is a crucial element of maintaining your mental health.
If each person has an equal say in a relationship, why do we often find ourselves painstakingly going with the flow?
The problem with relationships is that they’re inherently messy. Even the happiest couples are sure to have argued many times behind the scenes. It’s impossible to completely avoid conflict, even when neither of you means to start an argument. When that conflict inevitably rolls around, here are some tips to help you advocate for yourself.
- Define your boundaries and be firm
Decide what you’re not willing to compromise on and be firm about these boundaries. Here are some examples of boundaries that should be agreed upon:
- How often you talk when you’re not together
- What you want to keep private
- How exclusive you are
- How much alone time you need
Once you have decided what you are and aren’t comfortable with, resist the urge to compromise and be a people-pleaser. Your needs deserve to be met just as much as your partner’s.
- Develop a support system
You need people, other than your partner, who you can rely on for emotional support. These people can help provide a new perspective on a conflict and be a shoulder to lean on in times of need. They can also remind you of the boundaries you set up for yourself and help you stand your ground if they’re crossed.
- Remember that it’s not selfish to speak up
You have to advocate for yourself in a relationship. If your boundaries are crossed, that’s a negative reflection on your partner, not you. Standing up for yourself and voicing your discomfort can either lead to the creation of a strong relationship or end a weak one. A win-win either way.
I hope you can take this advice going forward and be the strongest version of yourself!