I’ve been through heartbreak and heartache, and since mathematicians have figured out a formula for everything except heartbreak, somebody ought to provide a Breakups for Dummies guide. So, I’ve compiled a list of the most important things I’ve learned through heartache to help any other fractured hearts.
1. Grieve.
If it feels like your grieving, it’s because you are. Losing a relationship is like mourning the death of someone important in your life. As saddening as it is, the best way to heal is to accept that loss.. Yes, maybe under different circumstances there could be a “future” or a “better time” for you two, however, those little nuances of hope only prolong the healing process.. Finding ways to preserve the relationship away from the memories it gave you will only hurt you – if not now, then later.
2. Consider The Expiration Dates.
What is this you ask? Someone once told me, people in your life – the good and the bad – have an expiration date. They come in your life to teach you something and add value, and they leave your life to teach you a lesson. The more you push that said “expiration date” the more sour it gets. So, I urge you to accept them for what they were, appreciate the time they spent in your life, and try to find a lesson in it. . For me, I learned what I loved in a partner, and what I needed more of. I learned how to coexist with someone and give them about as much love as I would give myself.
3. Move on.
No, I don’t mean get right on Tinder or Hinge and swipe away, I mean move on from them and move onto yourself. The best thing I did during my breakup was focus on myself. This didn’t necessarily mean I spent countless hours in the gym, but rather embrace a period of introspection and sit with some discomfort. , With all the extra time I used to spend with my ex, I advanced myself and the other relationships in my life.. This included podcasts, meditations, talks with friends, , shopping (lots of it), and I took time to sit with my thoughts, as scary as it sounds. I acknowledged everything that went through my mind and tried to break it down into logic. Now remember, rejection is a redirection.
4. Avoid The Closure Myth
Stop trying to understand them, it’s not your job anymore. Don’t force them to communicate. Look at their actions; they speak louder than words.
5. It’s okay to be a mess.