Now that it’s February, and Valentine’s Day ads are bombarding me on every front, I’ve been forced to acknowledge a very blatant truth: I just got dumped.
In no uncertain terms I am very newly single and very not okay with the whole thing. The shock of it left me without an appetite and thus I lost 10 pounds in a one-week period. After the shock wore off, the sadness set in. And once the sadness shrunk to something bearable, I resorted to flirting with just about every male that crossed my path.
In short, it’s been a rocky recovery.
So, with the process of grieving and various unhealthy methods of coping out of my system, I’ve resolved to put my breakup behind me by focusing on myself. Sure, it’s cliché in a million ways, but channeling the effort I once put into my relationship into my own wellbeing is the best way I see fit to resurrect my “old self.”
And plenty of gals agree: whose best friend hasn’t given this very same post-break up advice?
Actual texts from my own girlfriends prove this universal truth, that your best friends will remind you to love yourself:
“Take it easy and don’t overwork yourself. It’s okay to feel down for as long as you want to. Focus on the few things now that do make you feel better.”
“Use this time by focusing on YOU and healing using your inner strength. Volunteer, help others, focus on your learning process – these will all no doubt make a recipe for success.”
“You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let someone tell you these things don’t matter. You will be okay. You will be okay.”
So in the spirit of healing and reawakening confidence and self-worth, here are a dozen ways to get over your ex:
1. Try a new facemask – Purely for the fun and relaxation of it, I stocked up on some Sephora Collection Facemasks. These colorful, cute facemasks recreate a spa-day vibe, and each has a different benefit for the skin, such as “anti-blemish” and “moisturizing.” I grabbed Honey, Green Tea and Pomegranate, but the rainbow of choices provides many more decadent flavors and perks to enjoy.
2. Drink tea at bedtime – Tea is a must in my bedtime routine, but I decided to up my game and try some new flavors. I’m partial to the brand “Yogi,” from which I love “Kava Stress Relief” and “Soothing Bedtime Caramel.” I also love the brand “Republic of Tea,” and my favorite by them is called “Get Some Zzz’s.” Appropriately I drink it before bed.
3. Start a new Netflix series – My best friend and I have developed an intense love of “Jane the Virgin,” which has enjoyed fantastic reviews as of late. We’re way overdue for a binge-watch session, but nights with Katie and our beloved telenovela series is a surefire way for me to recharge.
4. Join a new organization – Major key this is an awesome post-breakup strategy because it allows you to engage with people who share your passions. I joined Camp Kesem, which is a student-run nonprofit that puts on camp for kids affected by cancer, and have already loved the community that it has created for me.
5. Volunteer and do good – Just over a week ago I attended Dance Marathon’s Charity Ball, and it worked wonders for my wellbeing, as it put my problems in perspective. You simply cannot be sad when dancing with a roomful of children with various disabilities. Their pure joy is just too infectious. In the coming weeks and months I’ll be volunteering for the Michigan Urban Farming Initiative (MUFI) and the Ronald McDonald House (RMH), attending a special needs prom, and (hopefully!) standing at Dance Marathon, which fundraises for pediatric rehabilitative therapies. Finding the time for these events is certainly hard, but dedicating time to causes and people that matter is simply a great way to be good to others and feel good about yourself. Plus, I’ve gotten to meet some wonderful individuals from my involvement, and I can’t wait to meet so many more great people through these initiatives. Below is my dance marathon team at Charity Ball!
6. Get new makeup – So this might seem very superficial, especially following that blurb about charity work… but in all seriousness, treat yourself to some new makeup. If you feel good about your appearance, you’re more likely to hold yourself with the poise and upbeat demeanor that you’re trying to cultivate for yourself. My mom was especially nice in this category and sprung for some Chanel foundation for me. Hi mom, I love you! (Had to include that).
7. Try kick-boxing – This is a very specific suggestion, but I recently went kick-boxing with a friend and it rocked my world. She was totally right – punching the bags and sweating it all out was exactly what I needed to clear my mind. And, I loved the session so much that I just signed up for a membership at TITLE Boxing Club off Stadium. It’s a 10 minute drive from campus, and boy am I excited for the workouts. Got to have that #springbreakbod.
8. Buy yourself flowers – Peep my Instagram (@brittboyle27) and you’ll see that I have an addiction here… but a healthy one, right? A bouquet of fresh blossoms always boosts my mood, so I keep fresh buds in my room at all times. Currently I have sunflowers.
9. Set a goal – I like to be able to measure progress in some way, so I decided to commit to my academics and challenge myself to earn a 3.8 GPA this semester. It’s a lofty goal for sure, but I’m putting in the work so I can be proud of my report card come April.
10. Reconnect with friends – With all my newfound time I’ve forced myself to be social again, even when I don’t want to. Although it’s easier to be alone, being with friends is so cathartic, whether you’re staying in to study or having a night on the town. Whatever you do, be sure to keep your friends in the loop. They’re concerned about you and want to help.
11. Write happy things – My lovely roommate got me a beautiful leather-bound journal for my twenty-first, and I’ve taken to jotting down happy things from time to time. Usually they’re quotes because I’m a sucker for a unique nugget of wisdom, but other times I write about a good latte or a fun experience with friends.
12. Do something that scares you – This is a crucial step in your post break up recovery. Surely there are many scary situations to plunge yourself into, but I decided to go for a particularly terrifying one: I signed up for a date auction. Yes, I will be walking down a runway in formal attire and people will have the opportunity to bid on me for charity… You could say that I’m crazy, which I probably am, but I think this experience will be the capstone of my recovery. It will be a venue where I can feel good about my appearance, do something cool (for charity!), and perhaps meet a nice gentleman if chance may have it. But whether I am bid on for $5 or $50, or simply not at all, through this process I have learned one thing that I didn’t know before: I will be okay. I will be okay.
Photos courtesy of makeupandbeautyblog.com, sweat.burnthis.com, talknerdywithus.com, Britt Boyle, crueltyfreekitty.com, zdravozivjeti.com, outloud.com, timemanagementninja.com, and imagebase.net.