When I met with my adviser at the beginning of winter semester, she told me I need to know what I want to major in by the end of this term. Okay, I thought, I’ve been doing Communication Studies so far, so I guess that means I should just stay with it. The end of sophomore year is the ideal time to have most of your college plan figured out, so why would I want to change anything now? From day one, I went in with the intentions of being a Comm major. Everyone told me that students change their major 3-4 times, but I just thought that I was an outlier. Throughout my college career, I had been trying to convince myself that Communications was the right fit and, up until a few weeks ago, I had finally tricked myself into believing this major was my calling. I equated being good at something with liking it, and I thought I had it all figured out. But when I had to register for classes going into my junior year, my deception finally became clear.
When I started backpacking for the fall semester, I realized I had zero desire to take any more Communication classes. None of the classes seemed interesting. I scoured through the internet looking at Communication jobs and internships, and none of them peaked my interest or sounded exciting in any way. Those feelings made me stop and think, Have I even been enjoying this major so far? Do I even want to do this? For the first time, I took a step back and tried not to picture myself as a Comm major. I stopped trying to conform myself into this mold, and that’s when I realized there was nothing about Communication Studies that intrigued me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d been having these conflicting feelings for a long time. I’ve never felt happy telling someone I’m studying Communication Studies. I’ve never felt proud to claim that as my calling. It never felt true. To just now realize I wasn’t happy with what I was studying going into my junior year was difficult to comprehend, but even though I’m more unsure than I’ve ever been before, it’s motivating me to never settle for what I want in life.
Coming to the conclusion that I’m not happy with the path I’ve been taking for the last two years was a hard pill to swallow, but I realized it was worth it to walk the path meant for me. I deserve to be happy with where I’m going, and regardless of how long it takes me to get there, it will be worth it. At the end of this semester, I realized I never made this decision for myself. Someone else told me to go into this field, and I convinced myself that it was my decision and that it was the right fit. Fortunately, college is a place for growth. I’ve done a lot of growing over the past two years, and I’m not done yet. The next two years (or maybe more) still have room for me to move, and I intend to use them to do what’s best for me according to myself.
So here I am, ending my sophomore year, without a clue of what I want to do. Sophomore year is supposed to be the pivotal year — the year that solidifies everything. But it’s not for me. And that’s okay.
No, I don’t have my degree figured out going into my junior year. No, I don’t have an idea of what I want to study. But I’ve finally realized how to make a decision for myself. Maybe I’ll stay with Communications, and maybe I won’t. At this point in my college career, I don’t care how long it takes, I just want to do what makes me happy. So even though I’m technically taking a step back, I know in the end, I’ll actually be taking two steps forward.
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