Growing up, we are exposed to everything, from how to walk and speak, all the way to how to act in certain situations. Our morals and beliefs are impacted by our interactions and observations. We are taught to be bold, yet quiet when appropriate. We are hindered with our expression but also told be unique and follow the latest trends. This seems ironic if you ask me. However, some have no issue being expressive and unique while others feel suppressed. These contradictory details are similar to the scene in the film Barbie where the famous speech is introduced about how hard it is to be a woman. How do you thrive in a society that is based off of contradictions?
Academic and Personal Development does not always mean growth, despite how picture-perfect others’ lives may seem. In my experience, these terms are more similar to a measuring level than an uphill climb. The bubble can be shifted to the left or right depending on circumstances, but in the end, with a little correction and balance, the bubble will return to the center. Experiences and change almost always affect mental health in one way or another. This can be a little dip in serotonin or increased sadness, but it can also be anxiety or trauma. It is okay to cry, scream, and sleep it away for a few days. Life is hard. By no means should you suffer through it in silence or a misunderstanding of “acceptable” expression.
As a college student from a small high school with a graduating class of 80 at a gigantic university, I had an impact on both aspects of development. I was an A student, who was expected to maintain a 4.0. At the University of Michigan, B’s are also considered to be exceptional performance. However, for some, a B feels punishable. This sudden social, academic, and geographical change also had an impact on my mental health. I was terrified to receive help as a result of past experiences, yet I was more horrified about how alone I felt. Take advantage of the resources around you. Capture a good support system, however that may look. Don’t be afraid to seek help in whatever form seems necessary. There are different forms of therapy, medication, coping mechanisms, and alternative methods of release. Also, grades do not define who you are. Know your worth! One piece of advice is to try try try not to compare yourself to others. We all came from different experiences and backgrounds. Our brains also work in different ways, therefore comparing yourself to someone who is vastly different than yourself will just cause more harm than good. You are valued. You are powerful. You are an academic weapon even if you get B’s and C’s and the whole alphabet!
Clothes and accessories do not define who you are inside! Expressing yourself through accessories and clothing is a way to be who you are, but they are not the sole defining factors of your identity. A lot of the times clothes are associated with stereotypes. However, you don’t have to stray away from a certain style because you are afraid of being judged and misconstrued. There are different ways to integrate certain aspects of a style into your wardrobe while still maintaining a professional and presentable appearance. You can work an office job but still add fun accessories or bold colors! You can love the color black but not be emo or goth. You can love tie-dye and boho chic without being a hippie. Some of you may remember the iconic Harper Finkle from Wizards of Waverly Place. She created a lot of her own outfits and was known for being the cooky and fun best friend of Alex Russo. However, she was never scolded or degraded because of her choice in clothing. She did get a few comments, but it was an elephant in the room scenario to evoke audience laughter. Clothes are a way of expressing our thoughts, feelings, interests, and perspectives of ourselves! Wearing the same small collection of shirts in your closet is perfectly acceptable and normal. Not owning the latest brand or fashion statement is not the end of the world. Not being able to buy new clothes every year or wearing the same shoes until you can’t is completely fine. You can style your clothes in different ways, change up your hairstyles, or even make your own jewelry if you are look for fun new changes without breaking the bank. Wear what you are comfortable in and what you want to wear! No one is telling you to dress like everyone else or restrict your color palate! Be bold, be expressive, and be you! Don’t be afraid to walk confidently down the street owning what you are wearing! You are whoever you choose to be, even if it is different that what you present in your clothing!
Actions speak louder than words. This phrase may be cliche, but it rings true in many forms. If everyone around you is making fun of a stranger who fell, tripped, got teased, or for any other reason, your action would speak louder than any words you could say. If you help them, they will always remember you. If you speak up about other making fun of them, they will remember your bravery. If you stay silent, those around you might understand you are uncomfortable with joining in, and this could cause them to self-reflect. Joining in on the teasing will show your friends that you are the same as them, but to the person who is being teased, you will be seen as the same bully. Why would our actions in any other scenario be any different? That scenario was a little extreme, but what is meant is that even in a world where everyone is expected to act a certain way, there is no rigid divide. You do not have to go partying every night with your friends if you do not want to. You can raise your hand in class and ask a question when the instructor prompts, and no one raises their hand. You can be the first person to try a new restaurant that no one wants to try and be only person that helps someone while they are down. How do you want to be represented and how would you want to be treated? A constant battle as a woman is self-image. We criticize every part of ourselves from our appearance to the way we say certain words and even how we act. Yet, when our friends say nearly the same thing, we are normally quick to reassure them and talk them out of their negative self-talk. Makes sense right? If you wouldn’t allow your family member, friend, acquaintance, or partner to disrespect themselves, why would you allow yourself to? In this life we only have one body. One body that contains one mind, skin, and heart (aside from medical intervention) that carry us through all of our endeavors. You spend the most amount of time with yourself, so why would degrade or diminish your one beautiful mind and body? You are a work of art! You are kind, caring, strong, and have made a difference in this world. Without knowing it you are someone’s mentor, role model, and an inspiration.
To be unique in a conforming society is to be kind to yourself and others, but also be expressive and comfortable! You are paving a path to success where you will change lives or inspire others. Recognize your potential, your grace, your beauty, your strength, and your worth. Focus on your mental health, your relationship with yourself, your internal dialogue, your future, and your ability to conquer every hardship you are faced with. Returning to the Barbie reference, being a woman is anything but easy. It is contradictory and makes no sense, but at the same time what great storyline is easy and relaxed? You are the action, the climax, the monologue, the flirtatious undertones—you are the author of your own story. So go out into the world, be unique, break through stereotypes and societal conformation. Most of all, keep writing your own story, because babe… you ARE the main character!