A Thank You Letter to My Dearest Friend

I can count on my two hands the number of pictures I have with her. Despite the myriad of hours playfully bickering, dozing off to the sound of our own voices while studying, or conversing at a party in the corner as if in our own world, rarely any of our moments have been captured. With her, relishing in reality is child’s play. It never has occurred to us to document our friendship, and oftentimes I’m haunted by how swiftly time moves when we’re together.

Make no mistake, though lacking the photographic evidence, I am able to recall almost every waking second that I have spent with her.

What I would like to share with you here isn’t a story of our friendship—there’s not enough paper and ink in this world for even an abridged version of it. During what’s almost been a decade of knowing each other, I would like to recall a simple—yet paramount—anecdote. I want to chronicle how she single-handedly saved my life.

The summer after my freshman year of college was a complete blur. Working two jobs and tirelessly studying for spring term classes facilitated the tedious pace of what every day felt like. In spite of my academic productivity and professional motivation, there was something so incredibly off with me. I don’t trust that even Freud himself could have properly psychoanalyzed me. Looking back now, it’s so easy to see what had occurred: my spark had vanished and nothing around me could reignite it. 

It soon came to my realization that this newfound personality of mine was my own fault. I am not timid to admit that during my first year of college, I didn’t make the finest decisions. I consciously remained in a short-lived relationship where I was consistently heartbroken and disappointed. While I don’t regret it because it built immense personal growth and strength, I am sometimes saddened that I was being stripped of my roots during that period. I was voluntarily relinquishing the moral values I had kept so close to my heart and losing the trust of my dear family members and friends because I was losing myself. Most of all, I could feel my friendship with her gradually withering away. She was slipping away from me, and I am not afraid to confess that this loss had undoubtedly been my responsibility. 

What I love most about her is that she can look into my eyes for a millisecond and right then and there exactly understand the emotion I am feeling. Towards the end of that summer, she asked me to drive with her to campus to inspect the layout of what would be her home that upcoming school year. During our journey there, I was feigning my smile and laughter in an attempt to protect her from my somber energy. Even though she has never told me to this day, I know deep down that she saw right through all of it the second I stepped into her car.

It wasn’t until the ride back home that she expressed her concern. All it took was a question or two on her end to probe what had been going on in my head. Faster than the wings of an angel, the tears that had been fighting to leave my eyes flooded down my face. After a few minutes had passed, I cautiously confided in her everything that had taken place during my freshman year, disclosing how some of those memories had been mentally torturing me. During this diatribe, all I can remember is the expression on her face. It was the first time I had ever seen her utterly at a loss for words. I remember thinking to myself, was it a mistake confessing some of my deepest secrets to her? Will she see me differently now? Why did I just inundate her with my own problems?

When we pulled into the parking lot where she was dropping me off, she put her hand on mine and in five words cleared all my worries: I’ll never leave your side. 

That moment and that phrase has impacted my life in a way I don’t think she’ll ever comprehend. The sheer thought that she’d be by my side through thick and thin seemed to dissolve all of my doubts. I knew right then that her promise came from her very heart, and that it would eternally hold true. No matter where my life took me, she’d be there to come to my defense. To console me. To bring the light back into my world. Everything which she so gracefully did and continues to do. She truly saved me. Saved me from myself.

Outside of my immediate family members, she is an individual in my life that consistently shows up for everything. Even when she’s ill. Even when she’s stressed. Even when she has work up to her ears. She’s the person I would hand my life to and completely trust to lead. 

There was a time last year when I saw my dearest friend suffer a great pain. I had never seen her in such a state; when her heart is broken, mine is broken as well. At times, I felt helpless when coming to her aid, unsure if I was helping her as much as she had for me. In times of distress, I would repeat to her those five words she said to me that day in the car, and, perhaps if she’s reading this now, she’ll come to know why I did.

Here’s what I’ve realized: a million pictures with her wouldn’t do justice to evince the sisterhood she has so loyally shown me. Her good-natured, benevolent presence fulfills me like nothing else, and a life without her is a life I’d never want to experience. 

It is my humble wish that every individual in this universe finds their Maria, and that such a faithful friendship will continue to return to them in every lifetime. I’m endlessly fortunate to have found mine.

• friendship
• mental health