So what is the “college experience”?
Society–people, films, television, etc. have romanticized and advertised college as this leeway to independence and freedom, where Thursdays are no longer considered a weekday and start the weekend, despite that 9 am lecture you still should probably go to Friday morning. However, if you’re anything like myself, that can be a challenging schedule to keep up with, not to mention it can quickly drain your social battery.
We must realize that the “typical” college experience isn’t universal, it isn’t real, and it isn’t for everybody. The first college I attended was not the right fit for me, and I returned home for the remainder of the fall semester with the plan to reapply and commute somewhere closer in the spring. While at my first school, I felt so isolated and alone whenever I had a negative experience, especially in comparison to my other friends and those around me. Society has convinced us that these will be the best four years of our lives, which might be for some people–but that’s not always the case. I felt like something was wrong with me when I saw my other friends posting about their “new home,” their “new family,” and how they were having “the best time ever.” To clarify, I’m not trying to devalue theirs or anyone else’s experience, I relay that this isn’t true for everyone. Can we also acknowledge all the hardships that come with college? For some people, it’s their first time living on their own. You don’t know anyone, everything is brand new and unfamiliar, and you’re placed on a path you picked at 17 or 18 years old that is supposed to determine the rest of your future, but no pressure, right? We must give ourselves more credit for embarking on this new chapter of our lives as fresh adults. So here I am telling you: I’m proud of you.
I genuinely believe that it wouldn’t have been as difficult of a transition had there not been all these expectations I had gone to college with. I envisioned having a perfectly decorated dorm room, meeting my best friends that first day, and immediately jumping in on all the college activities. Unfortunately, this wasn’t my experience, but I learned a lot about myself through the process. My ideal weekend might be hanging out with friends one night but cozying up to a book or watching reruns of The Bachelor or Dancing With The Stars the next. Or maybe I’m taking a yoga class or learning a new recipe–I discovered this past year that I love cooking. My college experience may be different from others–but it’s what makes me happy and the most comfortable.
One of the best things I did for myself was delete or mute specific social media platforms. This way, I wasn’t comparing my experience to other people’s because guess what? Everyone has different experiences. It is also important to remember that what you’re seeing on social media is someone’s highlight reel, their best moments. Rarely will you see people posting pictures of them looking like a raccoon with mascara streaked down their faces detailing their difficulties.
I am one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. Although I may have spent a lot of money and time on a school that wasn’t right for me, I did meet one of my most incredible friends to this day at that school who told me this: “Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak bears the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” A year ago today, I had no idea what my future held for me and was so scared of the uncertainty ahead. I transferred to UMass Boston that following spring semester and met one of my closest friends, another transfer, that first day at orientation. Flash forward, and we’re both living in the city now, happy, and finally enjoying our version of the “college experience.”