It’s been said time and time again by billions of women around the globe: “I’m fine”. Why do we say this? Why do we feel the need to tell the world that we’re doing okay when on the inside we’re breaking down, angry, hurt, annoyed, scared, etc.? Films, T.V., books, magazines, and society in general all peg this phrase on women simply wanting to be dramatic and passive aggressive. Sure, this might be true some of the time, but really, that exact notion and stereotype of being drama queens and attention-seeking whiners is precisely the reason why we silence ourselves with two small words.
By expressing how we may really feel, we risk judgments, arguments, accusations, and every other type of confrontation under the sun, and no one wants that. So when you hear a girl say “I’m fine”, don’t roll your eyes and get annoyed because she very well might be doing it for your sake, not hers. And, sometimes, maybe she truly is perfectly okay, and other times maybe she just doesn’t feel like talking. Do not get angry at women who choose to stay quiet about their emotions for weak or trying to make things difficult. They’re analyzing the situation, their feelings, your feelings, and the future outcome of saying whether they’re fine or not. Let them make this decision without any added pressure or contempt.
Men in particular have been known to get upset when their female partners say these two words. Allow me to let you in on a secret, my dudes: getting pissed at your girl when she says she’s “fine” won’t make anything better. One of the main reasons she may be saying this phrase is because you’re asking if she’s okay with a perceptively hostile attitude. By doing this, you’re immediately creating a tense environment in which nobody would want to open up in emotionally. Instead, if you notice she’s not acting like her normal self, talk with her, not at her. Don’t complain or argue, because that will most likely shut her down even faster.
Women say “I’m fine” for many different reasons, but it is ultimately their own choice on whether or not they want to elaborate. Many girls say this phrase because they haven’t quite processed how they’re truly feeling, hence, “I’m fine” works as a filler while they figures things out for themselves. Pressuring a girl to answer honestly does come from good intentions, but it’s all about timing and execution. It’s important to know when to ask if she’s okay, and it’s equally crucial to read her body and facial language. Movement and expression can tell you all you need to know without forcing her to speak her mind.
So, the next time a girl tells you that that they’re “fine”, just roll with it. Understand that they’re probably not saying this to hurt or annoy you, they just needs time. The stigma that comes with “I’m fine” needs to be thrown into the past because, yes, you’re right, she probably isn’t okay even though she says she is. But let her explain (or not) on her own terms.