Growing up, I fantasized about going to college.
Excitement would grow as I pictured the freedom and independence that I would have, the new people that I would meet, and the classes I would take that would push me towards my future career.
All of those things still happened, just as I had expected.
I could go on and on about the amazing people that I’ve met, the opportunities that I’ve had, and everything good about college.
However, I would much rather tell you the three things that I didn’t see coming to college.
- Your high school friendships aren’t going to be the same after graduation
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Entering college, I had the expectation that being away from my high school friends would strengthen our relationships and that we would become closer than ever.
This isn’t exactly what happened.
People change as they grow, myself included.
Now, I don’t mean that all your relationships will go down the drain once you hit college. This might happen, but what I’m mainly trying to emphasize is the fact that the relationships you built and maintained for so long, at the same school, in the same town, surrounded by the exact same people, are bound to change no matter what.
It’s normal to lose touch with someone that you were previously extremely close to or to if you realize that the friends you associated yourself with are no longer people that you can relate to.
This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or that they’re bad friends.
It just simply means that you were a part of their lives at a time where it worked, and now you’ve begun a new journey that’s taking you in a different direction.
I’ve also found that separation from friends who you were close with has allowed for reflection on my relationships. Were the relationships healthy? Was I happy? Did I receive as much as I was giving?
I was only able to find out those answers with times of separation. For some of my friendships, the answers to these questions were no.
At first, it was difficult for me to accept that the memories tying me to certain relationships were only ones of the past and that in the past year or two, there was nothing to hold onto.
I’m still in touch with these friends and I enjoy my time with them. But I also remind myself of the fact that I can’t hold onto a friendship from the past, because neither one of us are those same people anymore.
- You should focus on the classes you’re taking, not the title of your major
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When I entered college, I came in as a psychology major.
I absolutely loved psychology and learning about the mind; yet, whenever I told someone that it was my major, all that excitement quickly withered away when I received a very underwhelming response.
At the end of my freshman year, I switched majors to pursue a different path and was completely blindsided when halfway through this semester, I no longer felt as though it was a match.
I spent countless nights researching all the different majors at UMass Amherst and their resulting careers and felt more confused than ever about what I wanted to do with my life.
That’s when I came to the realization that as important as your major is, it’s also the classes that should be the main focus for students.
The major is just the degree name that you graduate with, but the classes are what will give you the knowledge necessary to take on your intended career.
I started looking into classes instead of majors, seeing what courses stood out to me or sounded the most interesting and then seeing the corresponding major.
It’s also okay to take classes not related to your major!
This is one of the best times in your life where you have the ability to learn from a diverse array of departments, so take advantage and take a class—or two—about a subject that interests you!
It’s about what you do with your knowledge and intellect that will get you furthest in life, not what’s on your diploma.
- Your mental health is going to suffer
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I knew that college was going to be stressful.
I knew that I would struggle at times.
What I didn’t expect was to hit my lowest point in college.
This is mainly because I never paid much attention to my mental health growing up, and most of the time I was doing pretty OK.
But I was in no way prepared to face depression, anxiety, loneliness, you name it.
Your mental health is going to suffer.
It’s inevitable.
And it’s also completely and totally okay.
I have yet to meet another college student who hasn’t dealt with mental health problems, which is why I’m so surprised that no one really talks about that part of college.
My advice, whether you’re entering college or are currently in college, is to map out a plan for how to deal with any mental health crises.
Some things to plan out are: Who will I talk to? What resources can I use? What can I do to help calm myself down?
I wrote an article opening up about my mental health, if you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, and/or loneliness you can read it here for some resources as well.
It’s possible that some, or maybe all, of these things, won’t happen to you, and that your positive expectations for college will be impeccably matched. However, I think it’s important to enter this new chapter knowing the fact that what your life currently looks like now, won’t necessarily be what it looks like in the next few months (for better or for worse).
The world is constantly changing, as are you. So don’t freak out if something isn’t going as planned or the way you expected. Ultimately, you will be prepared for everything and anything that will come your way. Just take a deep breath, assess the situation, and choose the best path for yourself. The right friends will stay by your side and the right career will greet you. In the meantime, take care of and look after yourself. Everything will work out.