We’ve all been there: you wake up, and the entire day you’re refreshing your notifications just in case you missed the text. Maybe their phone died, you think. And maybe, they’re taking a break from social media. And maybe, they lost their charger. And maybe, their car got towed — until it’s been a week, and the excuses you attempt to make for them eventually run out of any logic. Let’s face it: you’ve been ghosted.
Ghosting is the modern-day emotional disappearing act. One minute you’re exchanging good morning texts and Spotify playlists, and the next you’re staring at your phone like it contains the answer to the meaning of human existence. No breakup speech, no “you’re great, but,” not even a thumbs-up emoji as a bare minimum courtesy. It’s not a mystery, nor is it an accident. It’s a silent exit. Your last message haunts you with that awful word beneath it: Delivered.
Silence is a response: steps to recovery
So what do you do? Crash out and cry, complain to your friends, pretend that you didn’t really care to begin with anyway… or perhaps all of the above? While the stages of recovery can vary from denial to immediate acceptance, the truth is that none of it is your fault.
You regroup. You rehydrate. You re-enter civilization. Because post-ghost, you realize that you suddenly have free time — time you previously spent analyzing response times, punctuation choices, and decoding why they sent “lol” instead of “lmao.”
While yes, they could technically be stuck in an elevator without cell service. Or died, even. But if they’re strong enough to rise from the dead to post on their Snapchat story, you have your answer. Their lack of communication is communication. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you personally. Your self-worth isn’t tied to whether or not you get a text back, and while it may be difficult to accept that in the moment, it’s important to remember that those who ghost are often repeat offenders, and you likely didn’t do anything to trigger their sudden disappearance.
Next, conduct a digital cleansing. Keeping messages purely for yearning purposes may sound attractive under the guise of romanticization, but it only prolongs the heartbreak. Those screenshots of how they texted you in the beginning are not sacred artifacts — merely reminders of how “good it was in the beginning.” And those reminders don’t serve you any real positive emotional purposes, besides acting as a constant nudge to cause rumination. A digital cleanse isn’t about completely erasing the past, but a bandwidth refreshment for people who actually make an effort to communicate, not for the ones who vanish when convenient.
Instead of refreshing your phone, immerse yourself in hobbies. Either those are hobbies you’ve already perfected, or picking up an activity that you’ve always wanted to try, your brain deserves something better, more worthwhile to hyper-focus on. Fill your time with things that create momentum and excitement. Getting ghosted can make your life feel like it has paused, as if you were waiting for something to continue. Rather than contemplating on the What Could Have Been™, focus on what does define you.
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