You have to be strong. No one can hurt you if you leave first. Showing your true emotions is a sign of weakness. These are common phrases that we hear a little voice in our head say all the time, especially in moments of vulnerability. When I think of vulnerability, I think of being an open, stripped version of yourself. I have realized the importance of being vulnerable and how far it can get you in terms of self-care.
Vulnerability is incredibly scary. It can be easy to not want to be perceived as weak. When I cry in front of my friends and family, the first thing that I will do is apologize for letting them see me cry. Insane, right? It is insane because we all cry. All of us! This basic human action that we all perform should not ever be apologized for. But I do it anyway. Why? Because crying is a sign of “weakness” when in reality, it should be seen as a strength.
My own moments of vulnerability throughout my life have been freeing. It is a beautiful thing to open up to others. No matter how the situation ends, good or bad, it is the action of you trusting another person to reciprocate and empathize with you.
In addition, as a Black woman, I think that the practice of vulnerability can be even harder. People expect you to be strong, resilient, and powerful. All. The. Time. While yes, Black women are strong, resilient, and powerful we can also be sensitive, among many other things. It is easy to fall into the trope of being a strong Black woman when you hear and see it all over the media. What about a strong, Black, vulnerable woman? What about just a Black vulnerable woman?
I now see the moments of missed vulnerability in my life as missed chances to experience commonality and pure connection with others. All of the “bad” feelings we do not want to share with other people are universal and have been experienced by our loved ones at points in their lives as well. Feelings of disappointment, shame, etc. All of the times I did not open up to others led to missed chances of yes, I have also felt that exact same way.
Vulnerability is an essential component of self-care. We all need to practice being honest with ourselves and other people. It is okay to show your emotions. It is okay to be honest with others about how you truly feel. If you are never honest to others about how you feel, how can you ever cultivate true relationships with others? How could you get what you need and want from your own relationships?
Self-care to me is performing actions for yourself that improve and look after your well-being. In my own life, this means going to the gym at least two times a week, meditating, journaling, listening to music, putting on lotion every morning, and washing my face. It also means breaking down stereotypes of being a strong Black woman, not being afraid to cry in front of others, and being honest with loved ones when my feelings are hurt.
It is time to embrace vulnerability. It is time to show to yourself and others that we own and are proud of every single form of ourselves: happy, sad, annoyed. Let your emotions out! Cry your heart out next time to your friends without apologizing, tell your friend about that time you might have felt left out, and take chances with other people in terms of being open. Know that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but instead, a moment of true power.
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