To my post-breakup self,
At this very moment you’re sitting on your bed crying because he just walked out the door and out of your life. The person who, in your eyes, was perfect. Right now, I know it’s hard to imagine a world without him. Everything you’re surrounded by reminds you of a specific memory of when you were happier.
I’m here to tell you this feeling will end. It gets better.
Over the next few days you’ll have regrets. You’ll play the night it ended over and over again in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently. You’ll try to fix things, but they can’t be fixed. Maybe you shouldn’t want them to be fixed. This is the best thing that could have happened to you, trust me. You’ll tell yourself and everyone around you that you’re fine when in reality it feels as if you were just hit by a truck (I know, dramatic but so true). It’s so hard for you to find the positive, strong and optimistic part of yourself you’ve always loved. You have to know that this person isn’t gone forever. She’ll always be there.
I want you to know that it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to find a memory in every object you touch or every place you find yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you to stop being sad. You have every right to feel this way. Still, you can’t be sad forever. So, right now, I want you to let every emotion out. Cry. Listen to the sad songs that you normally hate but have now become way too relatable. Maybe even some angry Taylor Swift songs, whatever works. Grieve. You’ve lost someone who meant something to you. Just know that you won’t be grieving forever.
I want you to know that your smile will reappear and your confidence will boost. You’ll delete every picture you’ve ever taken with him and remove anything that could ever remind you of that time in your life. The stupid puns and sarcastic jokes that you used to make so frequently will come back. You’ll smile at happy couples again and remind yourself that one day that will be you. Right now, though, it’s perfectly fine for it not to be you. Focus on yourself and your passion.
Maybe the most shocking thing for you to hear right now is that you’ll stop missing him. You’ll stop wanting him. You’ll even stop thinking about him. Most importantly, you will realize that there is no need to feel negatively towards him. The time that you spent together made you feel happy and you have him to thank for that. Holding grudges becomes so unnecessary when trying to move on. I promise that you’ll forgive and forget.
The best thing you can get from this letter is an understanding of the fact that no person or situation can change who you are. Remember the upbeat person you’ve always been and find her again. I wish you could see how genuinely happy and relieved I am now after the breakup, but at this moment just remember that these negative feelings will pass. Focusing so much on this is just not worth your time anymore. You’ll move on, meet new people and find yourself again. It will happen sooner than you think, I promise.