In my dorm room, there is a collection of 32 photos that have been collecting dust in my desk drawer since I moved in over three months ago. These photos, all from high school, hold stories of a life I had 1,700 miles away in Dallas, Texas.Â
To be honest, my hesitation to put the photos up on my wall is rooted in my unwillingness to spend a night turning my dorm into a bad feng shui experiment in an attempt to find space to put them.
My procrastination has since shifted into a sense of embarrassment in putting photos from high school this late into the year. Here I am, three months into college with new friends, opportunities, and experiences; why am I still lingering in the past?
In college, there is a surrounding twinge of pressure to assimilate as quickly as possible into college and leave everything behind, not daring to seem like you “peaked in high school.” Coming to a college where I knew no one from high school exacerbated this feeling, where I felt more pressure to prove myself as someone who could move on easily.Â
Truth be told, it was not easy whatsoever. Despite wrapping up my first semester of college with an abundance of experiences I could not have had back home, I will always wonder what my high school best friends are experiencing elsewhere, and if they think of home as much as I think of them. For much of my first semester, nostalgia felt like a weight on my shoulders, keeping me from moving forward.
It took three months, and grasping for every new experience I could to mask my homesickness, to realize nostalgia is not a feeling I need to get rid of. Instead, it is a reminder to hold appreciation for every version of myself, acknowledging that home is not a memory meant to be left behind, but a tangible part of why I am the way I am.
Without experiencing my first heartbreak, I would not approach relationships the way I do now. Without my high school newspaper, I would have never found an appreciation for the Communications realm. Reminiscing on the past does not have to inhibit you experiencing the present, but remind you of what brought you there.
Whenever you are feeling homesick, remember that it is normal, and you are not alone no matter how much it seems so. In these times, it is okay to rely on the people you care about, and to retain the friendships worth keeping. While I am creating new experiences with my friends I made in college, my hometown friends and I will always debrief with each other afterwards.
A few days ago, I made a trip to the Walgreens in Northampton to print more photos, all from my first semester of college. Once I finally put every photo up, the wall above my desk will display stories of not only my past self, but the person I am now because of her. Remember that it is okay to reminisce the past, because you would not be here without it.
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