Academic stress is very real and affects people differently. Some may shut down when they become overwhelmed, and others find that they overwork themselves in order to meet individual goals. I fall into the latter category. Those who live their lives through a perfectionist lens can understand how you are your own biggest critic. From an academic stance, I always place myself on a pedestal in an effort to better myself. However, I discovered that there is a fine line between hard work and overworking yourself, and there are ways that I am learning to overcome the academic stress I place upon myself.
In my own eyes, my academic pedestal is rooted in my perfectionism. My perfectionism started around elementary school, probably around fourth or fifth grade. Many teachers would tell their students about preparing for the next grade level, stressing how each year becomes more challenging. I would take what the teachers said seriously because I did not have first-hand experience of what being a middle and high schooler involved.
At some point, I made a promise to myself that I would continue to work diligently toward my academics, primarily because I knew that it would benefit me in the future. I wanted to give myself the most opportunities I could create, and anything less seemed unacceptable. For example, I had to work twice as hard in my high school geometry class because math was my weakest subject. But here’s the thing: nobody was telling me to work harder or to raise my grade higher. The only person who was telling me that was myself. I could have passed geometry with a C letter grade, but I promised myself that I would get at least a B.
The challenge I faced then and continue to face now is the idea of “one-upping” myself. And the worst part about my perfectionism is that I never give myself enough credit where credit is due. Or sometimes I would discount my own achievements by connecting them to situational moments. For instance, if I got a good grade on an exam, sometimes I would say, “oh, the teacher made that test easy, therefore I did well on it.” Rather than focusing on my achievements, I undermine them by attributing those achievements to outside factors.
Even when my family members would tell me how proud they are of me, I somehow would not think my achievements were such a big deal as they made them out to be. As I have grown older, I took some time to reflect on my shortcomings. In relation to my academic self-criticism, the perfectionist mindset I inhabit is in a way automatic — it has become an expectation in my own mind to achieve the goals I have. Therefore, when I accomplish them, it does not seem so celebratory because I already knew this was what I wanted. I treated this like I was crossing off a task on my to-do list.
Now that I am a sophomore in college, I still continue to work through negative self-talk. I am now taking back my power by reflecting on everything that got me to where I am today. I am soaking in all of the feelings of worth that I deserve to feel, instead of attributing my accomplishments to situational moments. On my laptop, I used Canva to create a motivational desktop background so that every day I can remind myself to take a step back and give myself a break. One of my favorite quotes on my laptop says, “progress over perfection.” This reminds me that making progress is still good enough. I am learning to become my own cheerleader instead of a self-critic.
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