On Sunday, Oct. 15, I participated in the first annual National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) Walk at UMass Amherst. I was walking as member of the UMass Active Minds Chapter, an eating disorder survivor, and a friend to people with eating disorders or experiences with disordered eating. Despite hearing about local NEDA walks over the past couple years, I had never been to one previously, so I had no idea what to expect while I was walking to Goodell lawn that morning.
I checked in at 9 a.m., about an hour before the event was scheduled to begin. The lawn was decorated with tons of signs, green and blue balloons, and tables representing the different groups that were walking. After paying the $15 student registration fee, I was given a “Hope Starts Here” t-shirt to wear during the walk. I spent my time waiting for the event to kick off by wandering around, interacting with people who were giving out free merchandise, and signing cards and banners.
When registration ended, several people spoke about their experiences with having, seeing, and treating eating disorders. I didn’t expect to get emotional that morning, but I found myself tearing up listening to some of the stories, especially when recovery was discussed; I was reminded of how frustrating, drawn-out, nonlinear and overwhelming the recovery process can be. I’m five years into my own recovery, but hearing other people talk about similar things I’ve been through made me realize how deeply rooted and close to home a lot of my issues still are.
Hearing men and women explain how they struggled differently in their high school, college, and postgraduate careers made me feel less bound to a timeline in regards to my own eating disorder. I still find myself thinking things like, “Well, I should be better by now,” so these firsthand accounts really cemented the idea in my head that everyone recovers at their own pace.
This particular walk raised about $16,000 for the National Eating Disorders Association. The walk itself only lasted about 20 minutes, but its effect stayed with me the entire day and gave me a sense of hope that lingered throughout the entire week. I was expecting that I would have to make small talk with the people around me, but we talked about the hard stuff — the stigmas associated with people who have eating disorders, what our loved ones don’t understand, where we were in our individual recovery journeys, why relapsing happens and more.
I thought the atmosphere would feel competitive over who could have the “most interesting” story, but instead, it was refreshing to be around people who just got it. Although I’m lucky to have friends that make me feel validated about my anorexia, it was nice to not feel alienated.
I didn’t just walk for myself. I walked for my best friend in high school. I walked for my best friend in college. I walked for my friends in Active Minds, for the girls I ran with who counted calories religiously, for the people in the dining hall I’d overhear bragging about how much or little they ate that day. I walked for the millions of people in the United States with eating disorders, who are all shapes and sizes, who come from all different backgrounds, and who may or may not have the courage or resources to obtain treatment. Eating disorders can be crippling and fatal, so spreading awareness is crucial for treatment rates to increase.
Images courtesy of the author.