Somewhere around week five of my first semester, I realized every day looked exactly the same. Class, library, club meeting, work, sleep, repeat. I was talking to people constantly and still felt like I hadn’t had a real conversation in days.
Turns out that’s pretty common. Dedicating every free minute to being productive leaves you little to no room to see your friends. When your whole week is a to-do list, hanging out starts to feel like something you’ll get to later, and later keeps getting pushed back.
Seeing People Isn’t the Same as Knowing Them
Sitting next to the same people in lecture every Tuesday is nice, but that doesn’t necessarily make you friends. The same goes for a club group chat that’s mostly meeting reminders…all of it counts as being social in some way, but it doesn’t mean they are checking in to see how you are actually doing.
A lot of students feel this way. A national study from the University of Cincinnati looked at data from nearly 65,000 students ages 18 to 24 at more than 120 colleges. 54% of them reported feeling lonely. That’s more than half of us, which means the person next to you in the dining hall might be feeling the same way you are and also not saying anything.
Why Being Busy Makes It Worse
A national survey of college students found that those who feel lonely are over four times more likely to experience severe psychological distress. Feeling disconnected doesn’t stay in its own lane. It makes it harder to care about the classes and jobs we’re working so hard at in the first place.
And when we do get a spare 10 minutes, most of us grab our phones. The Cincinnati study found that students who spent at least 16 hours a week on social media had significantly higher odds of reporting loneliness. Scrolling through Instagram or TikTok between classes feels social while you’re doing it. Mostly, it isn’t. You’re watching other people’s lives instead of being in one with someone.
Small Fixes That Actually Work
I’m not telling anyone to quit their job or drop their clubs. A few smaller things can help.
Put friends in your calendar. If you’d never skip a 9:30 a.m. lecture, give your Thursday dinner with your roommate the same respect. It sounds a little silly to schedule a hangout, but if it’s not written down, it’s the first thing to get cut when the week gets hectic.
Combine things. Study with a friend instead of alone, grab food after your club meeting instead of bolting, or ask a coworker to come to a campus event with you. University of Cincinnati researchers pointed out that schools can do more to bring students together at campus events, but you don’t have to wait for that. Seeing the same people regularly, even for something small, is how acquaintances turn into friends.
Trade some scrolling for actual people. A 15-minute walk to class with a friend beats an hour of watching other people’s stories. If your day is already full, the in-between moments are the easiest place to start.
Say the real answer sometimes. When someone asks how you’re doing, try something besides “good, just busy.” It can feel awkward at first, but it usually gets the other person to be honest too, and that’s where closer friendships tend to start.
Pick one: a weekly dinner, a study date, or a text to someone you’ve lost touch with. Busy is going to be part of college either way. You can still be busy and have a village that cares about you.
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