I find myself constantly scrutinizing myself and always thinking of what I can do better, which honestly doesn’t really help me improve as a person. What’s more valuable is looking back and realizing how far I’ve come, because I’ve come so much farther than I give myself credit for. Here are all the ways I’ve improved as a person since my freshman year.
Dealing with Fomo
I don’t care as much as I used to about what other people are doing with their time. Freshman year, I used to feel antsy every time I heard music blasting a few doors down or if my friends told me they were going out. I would want to go even when I didn’t even have interest in whatever they were doing; I just always wanted to be everywhere, wherever everyone else was.
I’ve realized that I’ve grown so much since then. Now, I realize that everyone is doing what’s best for them, which might not be the best for me. I don’t need to force myself to go out and party if I don’t feel like it. Maybe a large part of it is because of what we all went through with the pandemic, but I’m now more than okay with taking time for myself and doing what I enjoy — like reading, going on walks, eating with friends, or watching Netflix — instead of forcing myself to go where the crowds are.
Not Spreading myself Too Thin
This is a big one. Freshman year me tried everything under the sun: I joined the Chinese yo-yo team, the ballroom dance team (and auditioned for a lot more dance groups), plus a bunch of academic and cultural clubs. I had meetings and events nearly every night of the week. In retrospect, I’m glad I tried so many things, as I found out what activities I really enjoyed, and which ones I didn’t enjoy. Now, I get to be more choosy and selective with how I spend my time. I narrowed down my commitments to a curated selection of groups, so now I am genuinely excited about all of the groups I’m part of, and I get to be more committed to each of them. I currently hold leadership positions in the clubs that I decided I really like, which has been super fulfilling.
Not Worrying About My “IMage”
Freshman year, I always worried about appearances — not just how I looked physically, but how I appeared in social situations. I hated eating alone at the dining hall, and I hated showing up to events by myself. I now realize how restrictive of a mindset I had. The punchline is that no one actually cares! Everyone is probably either worrying about themselves (if you feel self-conscious, other people probably do too) or they really just don’t notice you or don’t care.
Now, I honestly find eating alone or going to events alone kind of relaxing. It’s a nice break if you’re feeling like you need a bit of time for yourself or if you’re burnt out socially. Sometimes, I’ll even tell someone I can’t have a meal with them if I just don’t feel like talking with someone or if they have a toxic personality. I find that I’d rather hang out with myself than hang out with someone I don’t really vibe with.
Putting my Foot Down
I’m still struggling with this, but at least I realize that this is a weak spot of mine and that I’m actively trying to improve in this area. I find myself getting pushed around sometimes because I’m a nice and relatively easy-going, go-with-the-flow kind of person. I catch myself saying “it’s okay,” a lot, whenever someone lets me down. Or, I’ll sometimes say things like “we can do whatever’s best for you.” But what about what’s best for me? Why can’t I dictate what we do once in a while, or at least make my opinion loud and clear? I’ve been working on being more assertive and less of a pushover. If I don’t want to do something, I’ll try to make it clear instead of keeping it bottled up inside. For instance, a couple of weeks ago, my friend from home visited me at UMass. She originally wanted to spend four whole days with me, but those four days happened to be hectic days for me, where I had a lot of commitments. Freshman year me would have spent those four days with her, but I told her candidly that I was very busy that week and could only spend two days with her. She understood; no one died, there were no hard feelings, and we still had a blast.
Being More Vocally Grateful
One of my business professors tasked us with the assignment of showing open and honest appreciation to the people in our lives, and observing how drastically it improves our life quality. I started off with something simple: saying “thank you” more often. I realized that I never used to really say it. Since that assignment, I’ve been saying “thank you” to every little nice thing, like when someone holds the door for me or when someone serves me food at the dining hall. Vocalizing my gratitude is actually a really nice feeling; it’s like giving a little piece of kindness back to them. It’s so easy and it makes such a difference.
The next time you’re being critical of yourself, remind yourself all the ways you’ve grown — trust me, it will make you even more motivated to be a better person. The progress might seem slow now, but one day, you’ll look back and realize just how far you’ve come.
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