I’ve always been a big city person. So when I left my big city back home in India and moved to UMass, I never thought I’d be happy. Turns out, two years later I was perfectly adjusted to life at Amherst and couldn’t have been happier. I had great friends, enjoyed all my classes, had good grades and finally had my life on track.
Then in October of 2012, I decided to take a trip to New York. I was feeling a bit homesick, and New York was always the cure to my homesickness. I stayed at a friend’s place in Columbia and walked around the campus, hoping that someday I could apply for the Journalism program. That night I had a call that completely changed my life. My father had died and in less than 20 hours, I took a $600 cab ride to Amherst and packed a few essentials and was on a flight back to India.
I don’t remember much during the 10 days I was in India. For once, I no longer felt at home. I was in a state of despair and grief that I didn’t understand, and I was never the most demonstrative person so I didn’t express anything. After the funeral, I was back at UMass trying to get my life back on track. I was determined. I wanted to get my life on track as soon as I possibly could, but the more I reached to find some closure, the more I found that I was failing.
I was determined to not let my personal life take over my academic one, and worked as hard as I could that semester. I was taking 6 classes and had to make up weeks of lost work, but I came out on top and made it on Dean’s List. The strange thing was that was probably the first time I ever made it on an honor’s list. I was proud, but it lasted for only a moment. It didn’t change the feeling that I had lost something that I couldn’t ever get back. I wasn’t at home anywhere and felt alone most of the time
So when I suggested going on Study Abroad, people thought I was crazy. My family didn’t think it was a smart choice for me to uproot my life just as I had gotten adjusted to life in America. I wanted to go and start over somewhere new and fresh, but mainly I wanted to build a life for myself that was truly my own. It makes no sense and sounds like I was trying to escape from my problems, but I knew deep down that it was the right decision because I don’t regret it one bit. A lot of my friends told me that it was too soon to be making life decisions, especially at a time like this, but if there was one thing I realized, it was that you’ll never ever get this time of your life back again. My father died at the age of 55, and was lucky enough to have travelled the world and have a wonderful support system that consisted of both friends and family, and the one thing I always admired about him was that he never let people prevent him from doing what he truly wanted. He always followed his heart. In life, you’ll only ever get one shot to go for what you really want. And I knew that if I didn’t go on Study Abroad my junior year, I probably would never go. So I listened to what I wanted and went to the International Programs Office and signed myself up for a yearlong study abroad trip to London. And after months of preparation, I’m finally here. It’s been a confusing, frustrating, saddening journey, but I am finally here.
I’m having all the experiences I wanted and slowly moving on. I’m taking a wide variety of classes that I didn’t have the option of taking back at UMass. I’m in one of the world’s most stunning and diverse cities. I’m slowly learning to fend for myself, whether it’s by learning how to cook a full meal that doesn’t involve mac and cheese, or paying my bills. Most importantly, I’m learning more and more about me as each day goes by. It’s not so easy being so far away from home and repeatedly moving from place to place, and sometimes I really miss UMass and India, but living in London has really taught me to appreciate the phrase “Home is where the heart is.” In my case, it’s probably literal, because I am finally at home.