A couple of days ago, it was the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. It has now been officially three years since she left this earth, which partly makes sense. The other part of me, though, is still grappling with the idea that she is no longer here. Grief is weird. It hits us like a tsunami when something hard immediately happens, but even if that something happened three or so years ago, the tsunami could still creep up on you and drag you under when you least expect it. Sometimes, there is not much you can do with that grief and sadness besides just sitting with it, but because I have experienced a lot of loss in my life in my only 20 years of living, I want to help you in learning how to use your grief as a reminder that you cared about this person, this place, or this thing. I want you to learn that you can find happiness in the darkness, and that grief does not have to be the enemy.
Something that tends to make my grief feel like that one giant wave is when photos or videos of my grandmother come up in my memories on my phone.
I still haven’t reached the point where I can sit through a full video, as hearing her voice still sets off that sadness inside of me. Something I try to remind myself, though, is the fact that there is a reason we take photos and videos; we want that moment to last forever. These forms of visual documentation are the hands of the loved ones whom we have lost, and it is up to us to hold them.
It is not as simple as brushing your teeth to turn these photos or videos of someone you’ve lost from something sad into something joyous, but you have to remember: they are on your phone for a reason. Don’t take them for granted.
Another way to keep the spirits of the people we have lost alive is through food. Two meals my grandmother used to make for me all the time were shepherd’s pie and corn chowder, so I try my best to indulge in said meals as much as possible.
The flavors in both of these meals are so specific to me, so having them, no matter how many times I’ve had them before, reminds me of her. And at the end of the day, the reminders are all we’ve got, right?
The next point I am about to make, I cannot stress enough: keep as many clothes of your late loved ones as feasible. I will never forget the day of my driver’s test. I was anxious out of my mind, and at the time, I felt that if I did not pass, it would be the end of the world. All I wanted was my grandma. So, I decided to wear her dark grey vest (that she would wear all the time) to the test. Whenever I felt anxious, from the point of approaching the DMV, to twiddling my thumbs in the main area of the building waiting to be called on, to sitting in the driver’s seat as the instructor ensured all parts of my car were in good condition, I would remind myself that I was wearing my grandmother’s vest. And once I did, my worries went away. Wearing the clothing items that were once my grandmother’s feels like the hugs I used to receive from her, and I would do anything to experience them again. So, I wear her grey vest as much as I can.
The last piece of advice I have for you guys regards something I am practicing right now: never stop talking about the ones you love that have passed. Writing about them, talking about them, thinking back on the times you’ve shared with them, are all ways in which you can keep their spirit alive.
Hold onto the memories as much and as best as you can. The people you lost may not be physically present, but they’re still around… trust me.
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