Trigger warning: this article mentions disordered eating.
Now that Thanksgiving is upon us, I think it’s time we discuss the elephant in the room: body shaming during the holidays. “You’re really filling out!” “You’re going to eat all that?” “You’ve lost a lot of weight, you look great!” “That freshman 15 is a killer, huh?” Do any of these sound familiar? For whatever reason, holidays that bring families together also create the perfect environment for these toxic statements to fly free. These sly little comments, whether they are well-intentioned or snide, always do more damage than good. So, how do we deal with these remarks, especially when they come from family members or loved ones? And how do we prevent ourselves from slipping into these negative thinking patterns? As someone who has been body-shamed, and has consequently body-shamed myself, I want to share my own reflections and offer some advice to help you keep your head up high.
First and foremost, I want to make one thing crystal clear: there is really no need to comment on someone’s body. Ever. Unfortunately, we live in a society that glorifies social media and encourages us to seek validation in comment sections, amid the double taps of others. This mindset has convinced us that it is acceptable, and even normal, to make unsolicited comments about the physical appearance of others. It’s not. If someone does not directly ask for your opinion about how they look, simply do not give it. You never know what circumstances have produced the body you are seeing in front of you. Therefore, you have no right to comment on the final product.
Now that we’ve established why we should never comment on other people’s bodies, I think we should discuss what to do if someone does make a comment about your body. The holiday season brings people together, but not all of those people are kind. Or, more often, not all of those people are very good at considering how their words impact others. If someone body shames you, it can be easy to fall apart, especially if you have a history of or are currently struggling with disordered eating. If you’re like me, and you’re struggling to love your recovery body, comments about your appearance (and especially negative ones) from other people can hurt deeply. It’s important that you remember that other people’s comments have nothing to do with you or your body, and have everything to do with that person. Someone’s unsolicited remark does not alter your value as a human being, nor does it negate the fact that you are uniquely beautiful. It does, however, expose that person as judgmental and superficial, and you can feel free to call them out.
The progress you have made and the things you have accomplished are yours alone, and the opinions of others do not detract from these milestones. It is important that you appreciate your own healing, your own recovery process, and your own body. After all, your body is your home! It protects all of your organs and sees you through each and every day. To spend your time critiquing it or hating it is very unkind. Show yourself and your body some kindness, especially when others do not. It’s also important to remember that your family members who make comments about your body are not aware of how much you’ve been through. They haven’t experienced the highs and lows and haven’t seen the battles you’ve pulled yourself through, so their opinion is completely irrelevant. Only you know how much progress you have made, and how hard you work towards self-love every day. You should be so proud of yourself.
The holiday season can be a tough time for various reasons. If body shaming has become a most unpleasant family tradition in your household, please know that you are not alone. Just because it is a common issue does not mean that it doesn’t hurt, and I see you. Next time you hear someone around you make a negative comment about a person’s appearance, or even if you hear them critiquing their own body, remind them of the importance of compassion. We show compassion to others by respecting the fact that we know nothing about their private battles and challenges that have shaped them. We show compassion for ourselves by taking care of our bodies and appreciating all that they do for us. Compassion for others and self-compassion are both essential for creating a kinder world in which nobody is ashamed of their body.
Looking for some resources to help with disordered eating? Visit this website for some helpful information: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
Can’t get enough of HC UMass Amherst? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, listen to us on Spotify, like us on Facebook, and read our latest Tweets!