To: A Certain Someone
It’s so hard writing this now after knowing how far we’ve come. It’s only been a handful of months, but they’ve been some of the most memorable months of my time at UMass. For someone who I’ve only known briefly, it feels like you’ve been in my life a lot longer than that. A twin flame, some may say.
Looking back on everything, it’s funny how we came to be. Work friends who grew into something more, but never fully flourished. Circumstances and situations haven’t put us on the path most traveled by, but I think that’s what makes us special.
I want to thank you first and foremost for being open with me. For accepting my flaws and quirks and never shying away from them. I want to thank you for listening to my problems and my rants. I want to thank you for letting me dream with you, for giving me this sense of reality wrapped up in a blanket of imagination. Thank you for being you.
You’ve been nothing but kind, understanding, and level-headed. I appreciate that more than anything. But the year is coming to an end, and I’m afraid that we may be meeting a likely fate.
I’m worried about what life will look like next year with you having graduated and me still in college. You’ll be an official adult, with a job, work friends, and hobbies outside of school and sports, outside of me, and that’s scary. Maybe scary isn’t the right word per se, but it does make me think about the future, something I try to shy away from because to think of the future is to think of a life where dynamics have changed and suddenly life is harder.
That’s why I’m glad you’re going first. Selfishly, it allows me to watch from a distance while you do this life alone and see where it takes you. But it also means I’ll be alone now. Sure, I’ll have my friends and family and I’ll be busy with school, but I won’t have you. I want you to stay. I want to have another year with you.
But all of this doesn’t even matter because you’re not even mine. You’re not the one who belongs to me, you never were. We were friends at most, and that’s all it’s ever been. But I’m not upset with the way things were and currently are. I’m happy it’s like this, I’m happy we’re together in one way or another.
I will always cherish you and the moments we had together, and I will look back on them years from now and remember the amazing times I had with the amazing boy from work. I will remember the ice cream trips, the dancing, and the Twilight movie nights. I will never forget you. I can only hope it’s the same way for you.
This isn’t a goodbye, a farewell, or an adieu. It’s a “see ya later.” Because I know that whether I see you next month, next year, or even run into you ten years down the line, I’ll still always call you my best friend, my napping buddy, my twin flame.
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