As I sit in Rao’s coffee shop sipping on my herbal Chai tea, tapping away on my laptop, I reach the last leg of my application for a real-world job. The screen reads, “Please attach a cover letter.”
You and I both, kid; you and I both.
It’s the time of year for cover letters. *cringes* Seriously, what’s worse than reading “please attach a cover letter,” on a job application? My heart sinks a little bit deeper into my stomach every time I read those words plastered on my computer screen. I’m not sure why: I’ve written hundreds of papers that require much more time and effort than simply talking about myself, but something about attempting to sell myself in 500 words or less gives me anxiety to no end.
Despite the snowpocalypse that has taken over our streets and sidewalks, it’s time to start thinking about summer plans. It’s the time of year that we are forced to enter into the dog-eat-dog world that we have come to know as future employment. It’s the time of year where you have to dig deeper and ask yourself, “What skills do I possess beyond Facebook stalking and Instagram perfecting?” What makes you a stand out from the thousands of applicants that are applying for the same jobs and internships that interest you? I’ve decided to compile a list of the thoughts we all have while writing a cover letter, or in my case, thoughts I have while avoiding writing a cover letter.
1. Alright, tonight’s the night. Let’s do this. I’m awesome!
2. Ugh, I’m just so hungry!! After dinner I’ll do it. No way I can write this on an empty stomach.
4. *3 hours later* Alright, fine, I’ll start. Time to actually get my sh*t together.
5. OMG, look at this hilarious Jimmy Fallon video. Oh, and another one! This is so much better than writing a cover letter. I promise I’ll start after this.
6. Okay. So what skills do I possess?
7. How do I write this thing?
8. Seriously, like, how do I even start?
9. Sh*t, should have gone to Career Services.
10. Dammit.
11. I have that one marketing internship from last summer, but I was basically the coffee-run girl and copy machine guru. Can I write that?
12. I literally have no idea what to write.
13. I’M COOL AND I’M SEMI-DECENT LOOKING. PLEASE HIRE ME.
14. I can’t do this.
15. I’m not ready for the real world. Not even a little bit.
16. I need a snack.
17. I just want to like, travel and stuff.
18. Haha, but I have $17.32 to my name. Awesome.
19. Dear Carol…
20. Can I call her Carol? Are we on a first name basis? Will that come off as rude?
21. Why do you need a cover letter, anyway? I’ve spent over an hour on your application, four years building a resume, and MY WHOLE LIFE IN SCHOOL.
22. Ah, finally, Lauren played me back on Trivia Crack. And I have a new match on Tinder!
23. Alright, Dear Carol…
24. I give up.
25. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow.
26. Or the day after that.
27. At least you tried. “A” for effort.
We hope you have better luck writing your cover letters, Collegiettes!