Love and relationships are undoubtedly complicated. You’re dealing with your own changing wants and needs, another’s wants and needs, and the added societal pressures of what your relationship should look and feel like. The majority of these standards are not one size fits all, and relationship coach Natalie Kennedy breaks down these impossible expectations.
Natalie had an “a-ha” moment when she was in a long-term relationship with her current significant other, Preston. In this relationship, she doubted if this was her one and only true love. She speaks of how she fell out of love, but how she was torn. Rationally, she loved this man, but any time her relationship didn’t match the societal or even parental norms she had grown up viewing, she had paralyzing anxiety that she was in the wrong relationship. She began doing some work on her inner-self, including destroying these previous norms categorized in her brain as “right” or “healthy,” and had a breakthrough. She began breaking down her relationship anxiety, and discovered fears of commitment linked with unprocessed grief and anger from childhood. Now, with her newfound awareness, she helps other women get out of their own way when it comes to their relationships and guides them on how to grow in their relationships.
It’s important to mention that her advice, again, isn’t one size fits all (as most advice shouldn’t be). Her advice is for those who are with a healthy partner and are struggling with doubt in their relationships due to their own anxieties and OCD tendencies.
Here is one of my favorite posts by Natalie, where she addresses common relationships advice that she hates (you can find this on instagram @anxiouslovecoach):
- “Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.”
She says, “I’m all for effective communication, AND, so many people take this to mean ‘talk more, talk more, talk more’ — which is the opposite of what needs to happen, especially if you’re prone to overthinking. If you’re all up in your head when you’re communicating, it’s time to get embodied, and that includes pauses, silence, body language, and presence.”
- “If he wanted to, he would.”
She says, “Maybe. Or maybe he wants to but he’s scared of doing it wrong and risking your wrath. Or maybe he wants to but he’s setting a boundary on his priorities at this time. Or he’s feeling resentful and unappreciated so he thinks, ‘why bother?’ Sure, this applies sometimes, but it’s not always one-sided. It’s worth ruling these out first.”
- “The right person will know exactly what to say, when to say it, and what to do to make you happy without you asking.”
She responds, “The right person will still need you to speak up for yourself, own your needs, make requests, and set boundaries. The right person will also make mistakes. Over and over. Patience, forgiveness, and offering the benefit of the doubt is critical for long-term relationships! (I am not referring to serious issues like cheating and abuse, I’m talking about the smaller basic conflicts that happen in a healthy relationship).”
If relevant to you, you can follow @anxiouslove coach on instagram, listen to her podcast,” The Anxious Love Coach” on Spotify or Apple music, or visit her website below: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/