Disclaimer: I believe wholeheartedly that there is no “one size fits all” guide to healing, since everyone’s breakup is different and complex in its own way. A lot of this advice may help, but a lot of it may not. There are millions of circumstances in which not all of this advice will apply to you. Please, don’t feel like it has to. This is only a loose guide to healing your broken heart. Edit these pieces however you please, twist them to fit your exact situation. This is the bare, real, hard reality. These are the things nobody tells you and the things everybody tells you. These are the things all broken-hearted know to be true, but would never say out loud. I’ll be your friend, your mentor, your honorary sister. These are my 50 pieces of actual advice for getting over him.
1. If you think his scent is gone, check the cuffs of the sleeves. Then, wash it.
2. Eat something – or everything.
3. Make yourself a breakup playlist. Listen, cry, repeat. It’s cathartic.
4. He’s sad too. He does think of you.
5. Stop making hard rules for yourself that you can’t follow. It’s okay to feel.
6. Anything is fair game in the first week post-breakup. Cry, scream into a pillow, wallow in your bed eating junk food for 7 hours straight.
7. If your friends seem annoyed with you, they can deal with it. They’re not heartbroken. You are.
8. Blame him for everything. You can be reasonable later.
9. You can be as sad as you want for a month – and you’ll probably still be sad after a month, but just try to hide it a little more after that.
10. It’s not pretty.
11. Checking in on social media isn’t that bad. You’ll get sick of it eventually.
12. Download Tinder. If you see him, throw your phone across the room.
13. If you really feel the need to text him, just do it. Life’s too short. Just be aware that you will regret it.
14. Return your things to each other like civil adults. It’s okay if you cry when it happens. Emotions will always come flooding back seeing him for the first couple times again.
15. Don’t throw the gifts he gave you away yet. Give it a few months, and if you decide it’s too hard to hold onto, donate it. Or burn it, depending on how bad the breakup was.
16. Healing doesn’t have a timeframe. You’ll hear a month, you’ll hear six weeks, you’ll hear two-and-a-half months – that’s all bull. Don’t try to force your healing process into a specific box, and please, for the love of God, don’t feel bad if you aren’t better by six weeks.
17. It did matter, it did hurt, it did change you. Don’t tell yourself you’re overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal.
18. You will have good days, and you will have bad days. Recovery isn’t always linear, it almost always is not. One really bad night doesn’t negate three really good days. Life is just like that.
19. Stop thinking in black and white.
20. Hug people. You’re touch starved. It feels good.
21. You don’t have to delete his number.
22. Likewise, you don’t have to unfollow each other on social media.
23. But if you wanna do that stuff, do it.
24. Rebound sex isn’t for everyone – but it sure is fun. Take advantage of still being hung up on your ex to hook up with someone without the risk of catching feelings.
25. Every song is going to be about him. That’s okay.
26. The little things sometimes hurt the most.
27. Nobody is above trying to make their ex jealous, so post your bomb selfies everywhere.
28. Be dramatic. Be in your feelings. It’s fine.
29. The music he showed you, the T.V shows you watched together, the places you went – they’ll remind you of him. But in a year or two, those might be good memories instead of painful ones.
30. You are very strong. A breakup is one of the worst things you will ever feel. Look, you’re still alive. You’re still here, you’re still breathing, you can still smile.
31. It will feel like you’ll never stop crying. I can’t tell you when you’ll stop, but there will be a day. In the meantime, stay hydrated. Your body is losing a lot of water with those tears.
32. He might be hooking up with people and getting drunk and partying. That thought will make you really, really angry. Feel that anger. Let it drive you. Don’t let it stop you.
33. Give yourself some credit.
34. Drive around at night with a few friends, windows down and music blasting. You’ll thank me later.
35. Life’s stressors, any external sadness – it’s all going to be amplified by your breakup hanging over you. It’s going to suck. Be easy on yourself.
36. Don’t give up on love. It’s a beautiful thing.
37. Breakups are really, really unfair. Sometimes, the kindest, most wonderful people have to impart the worst emotional pain on you. You just have to take it.
38. There will come a day where you’re really, genuinely just sick and tired of being heartbroken. That means you’re getting better.
39. Think about if you want to stay his friend. Think about what it would mean for you. It’s possible. Sometimes, you find out you were better as friends anyways. Sometimes, you were never meant to be at all. Find out.
40. Take every advice-filled girl magazine article – yeah, even this one – with a grain of salt. Not everything will apply to you. The only way to really know anything is to try it.
41. There are a lot of cute guys out there.
42. Likewise, there are a lot of kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, well-spoken, intellectual, and funny guys out there, too. He wasn’t the only one. Trust me.
43. You might still love him, for a really really long time. That’s okay.
44. There is no “right” way to get over a breakup. Whatever way works for you is the right way.
45. No matter what you do, you’ll get over it eventually. Whether it takes you 2 months or 2 years, there will be a day where you can say, “I’m over (ex’s name here).” That’s a good day. That’s a very good day.
46. Making mistakes is pivotal to growing as a person. Sometimes you have to drunk text him to know not to drunk text him.
47. You’re allowed to be friends with him after the breakup. Other people’s opinions don’t have to matter – if you guys are great as friends, there’s no reason to deny yourself that friendship just because you’re exes.
48. This isn’t the only love you’ll ever experience. I promise you.
49. I know I don’t understand. I know I don’t know your situation. I know I don’t know him, the way he held you, the future you had planned, that you were different. All I know for sure is that you’ll be better someday.
50. You don’t have to listen to any of this. Just know I’m behind you no matter what you do to get through this.