You have heard it all before: don’t let social media fool you, it’s all filtered, altered and changed. But that is so much easier said than done when on your screen is a completely waxed, tanned, toned, blonde model with a perfectly-shaped butt and boobs with a smile that would make crest white strips shiver. It is a tough world out there, and in our generation, it got a whole lot harder when social media became an unavoidable part of modern-day society.
We look to social media to connect in relationships and to feel like a part of a larger world. And connection is not a bad thing, it is human nature, after all. But because of this universal exposure to one another on all of these platforms, so much connection comes along with it that can be damaging. The more people that you can view, the more that people can view you too, and that is when the pretending begins. Pretending your life is as wonderful as those famous celebrities you follow and that you’re more social and put together than you are, all stemmed from the initial need to be needed and enough.
It is very, very, very hard not to compare yourself when following what feels like all of the world’s population on social media. And, ultimately, it is inevitable to a degree that you will be influenced by someone online, as well as you influencing someone else while being online. But I am here to say, it does not have to control you, or the need to be loved and to be enough. Social Media does not have to break down your self-esteem, the way it so easily is designed to do, if you tackle it in the best way: by finding a balance.
It is true that social media, for most, is not something we can disconnect from completely, however much we want to at times. Sometimes, job opportunities or long-lost relatives are only reached because of resources like these, and it is also still important to be a part of the ever-moving motions of the world. But, you can find ways to limit social media and to help boost your own self esteem.
If you find yourself mindlessly scrolling and wasting more than an hour of your day on social media, you use it too much and can benefit from some space from it. If you can’t imagine leaving your phone home when you go out to dinner with your friends for three hours, you can bet you need some time apart. Social media is fun, but you should not use it for your sole source of entertainment.
Find a smart balance of time to be on social media that works best for you. If your job or life requires social media outside of “just for fun,” you can allow it in your life more as a daily need than others. But learn to recognize how it is affecting you. Take one day a week or every few weeks where you disconnect all together. It is important to remind yourself that when life is all said and done, you won’t remember the times you posted to Instagram, but of the people and memories which surround your life most. Don’t let social media crowd out better memories where you could have been in the moment. That is the first step of finding balance.
The second step is taking notes when you are on social media. If you find yourself ever comparing yourself to another person while online, it is time to take a pause and figure out what is going on. It is going to happen from time to time and will be super hard to pause and reflect, but it’s necessary. In the moments when you do compare yourself to someone else it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Why do you feel this need, and what about yourself feels inadequate? How does comparing yourself to someone else actually help, or does it?
Learn to replace this habit with something even better, like positive self affirmation. Maybe you have a quote that makes you feel good that you could read when you start to compare. Or maybe you go to the mirror and tell yourself that you are completely unique, and no amount of comparison will ever change you into this other person, because you can only be you. Say it until you hate saying it, say it until you actually believe it.
The next step is to recognize when you are filtering yourself for others. Try to limit this, but recognize when you do this. The more imperfect we let ourselves be, the more comfortable we become with it. It takes extreme vulnerability to do this, but this same vulnerability is what will set you free. Want to know why? Because you can’t filter yourself in the real world, and you live in the real world. So, if you can try to present yourself as authentically as possible and become okay with it, you will be able to truly accept yourself.
Remember social media is for connection, so don’t let it de-connect you from yourself. Your vulnerability and self-affirmation are your tools against poor self esteem, and there can only be one you. You are worthy, and you are enough. Repeat until that really sinks in.