Sweet girl,
You were so about love before. Young, ready to fall, head over heels, wear my heart on my sleeve kind of love. That was until you became broken. Until it seemed like every piece of your heart had been shattered. It was that boy that left you in the dust, the boy that couldn’t resist the other girl, or, in my case, the boy that left me with unanswered questions for the rest of my life. My boyfriend committed suicide after a night of fighting with me. In my head, I was going to have forever with him. He was sweet, smart, good looking and, the best part, he cared more for me than I ever thought a boy could care for me. I know that night he wasn’t thinking straight, and he would never want to put that on me, but it broke me, broke me to a point where I didn’t know if I could laugh or, more importantly, love ever again.
I was carefree before him, ready to take on the world one fling at a time until it happened. I thought I knew what love was before him, but I didn’t. He was my happy, and I put everything into him. My time, my kisses, my love. You, like me, fell in love, and he wasn’t there to catch you. Then you broke, fell to the ground and shattered, and now what are you supposed to do?
Well it’s a process, takes time and a lot of learning about you. It takes going through periods of sadness or loneliness. Or times that all you wanna do find the hottest guy out there and try to get with him. But you’re not that girl, you’re not the one night kind of girl. You’re the lifetime kind of girl, the fall in love with her kind of girl. And you will learn this in time, after multiple drunken kisses and attempts at talking to stupid guys. Then is when you will realize that it’s not about what those guys think about you, it’s about what you think about you. It’s a time where you can do things independently and with your girlfriends. You wil find things that you fall in love with like writing or drawing. These things will turn into a passion, and that is exactly where you will learn to fall in love again. Yeah, it’s just things now, but it has to start somewhere.
It’s sad, ya know, being so carefree with love and life to being absolutely terrified of it in a matter of minutes. But it’ll come back to you. You will indeed let yourself love again and it will be in the most wonderful, beautiful way you could imagine. You will let a boy kiss your forehead and hold your hand down the street. You will know that he is right for you because of the way he looks at you when your hair is in a mess, and you’re dancing around the kitchen.
It happened to me. I have found myself lying in bed giggling at the dumbest jokes because of this boy. A feeling that I have so blissfully fallen into without even realizing. When before him, I thought I would never feel this way about someone again. My heart was so broken that I was sure that it would never feel love again. Now, I don’t know if this will be forever, but it’s something, and I think I like where it’s going.
So, my sweet girl who is learning to love again, it’s going to take a long time, maybe even a really long time, but it’ll come. It’ll come back stronger than ever because a girl that has lost love in the hardest way is the girl that will fall in love the right way, not careless or on whim, but the most genuine love the world could ever imagine. Remember that broken does not mean ruined, just that you never gave up.
Sincerely,
A girl who is falling in love with love again