You are standing in an old and bleached white sheet. Completely nude from the waste down, you wonder your sad fate. You can feel cold air float around between your bare legs and though it is admittedly comfortable, you stare at the crumpled pair of your pants on the floor and briefly wonder how quickly you could drop the sheet and run. The exit isn’t too far anyway. You could make it. You shift a bit and glance at the 50 brochures that line the wall. Maybe I have a drinking problem one of them says. There is girl winking on the front, like you two share a secret. You turn away quickly to only have your eyes fall the tray of materials, unfortunately. Oh god, you think. The contraptions and tools go from murderous to downright violent. You are especially afraid of the long metal rode with a pokey shaft. Now, where does that go? With a pounding heart, you resort to staring at the only blank white wall.
Welcome to life, ladies.
Face it. You’re a woman. You got the lady parts. It’s really fun and great most of time, but like a Turbo washing machine or Mercedes car engine, it’s got to be checked up on every so often. When we girls reach our peek in life (sex!), things get weird inside. Struggling to understand why we have to now worry about more than our monthly red devil, many of us refuse to believe it is time to go ahead in life. To see who our mothers and teachers refer to as “The Lady” or “The V Doctor.” The woman with all the answers. The woman with all the tools. The woman who lifts the sheet.
Yeah, yeah, we all know it sucks to go. No one wants two gloved hands and those spindly pliers digging around in us. No one. It’s always just about freezing and you have to drink like 2 gallons of water to fill “the cup,” and it’s like scary as heck, but ladies, it’s worth it. Not only does it provide a world of fun facts and knowledge, but it actually saves you from situations you really don’t want to be in. The number one reason for cervical cancer is not checking up on it. The spreading of diseases and infections could be caught early. Pain or discomfort could be helped. One trip could make you healthy. Don’t leave it for “another time.” Don’t regret it when you could’ve gone. Your body is awesome, but it isn’t easily fixed once it breaks. Take the time and visit the doctor who knows what’s up.
So, as you finally drop the sheet and pull on your pants, you spot a brochure with a vacantly smiling child. Safety first!
You smile back. Yeah man! And proceed to fill your bag with a variety of free condoms. Wow, the gyno is great.