Ahh the 20s — the moment life starts shifting faster than expected. My birthday is on April 8 and I have a little over a month till I consider myself “old.” In celebration of that, I thought I’d share with you 10 lessons I’ve learned going into my 20s. No sugar coating: just the truth.
The photo above is from one of the happiest times in my life: the summer of 2025 in Boston. Don’t worry, we’re working on getting that girl back!
1) stand up for yourself
I recently left my dance team after I realized how unhealthy that environment was for my well-being. I was originally going to just suck it up and deal with it, but I thought to myself: “this is my life and I’m in control.” You are 100% allowed to detach from people who undermine your worth. You are so worthy of everything this lifetime has to offer, and I never want you to feel like you don’t deserve happiness. For the longest time I tried to gaslight myself into thinking that I was happy, and it backfired on me. You get one life and it’s crucial that you protect your peace. Would you want to look back in 10 years and be like, “huh, why did I put up with that?”— absolutely not. Don’t let anyone ruin your passion for anything. Take yourself out of that environment and pursue that passion somewhere else. I also want to emphasize that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your health, reasonings, or personal circumstances. Keep that information private, because I have learned that not every question comes from a place of sincerity. If you start to notice more than one red flag in someone, then do yourself a favor and detach from them. I wish I would’ve done that sooner with certain individuals.
2) Prioritize your health and well being
I cannot emphasize this enough: your health comes first. I think it’s easy, especially as college students, to prioritize your academics or extra curriculars over your physical and mental health. I’ve learned that having the right mindset is everything. If you study every single day for an exam, but if you’re lacking key things like sleep, proper nutrition, exercise, and healthy habits, then you’re bound to fail the exam — and this doesn’t just apply to exams, it applies to life. Getting into a proper routine will take time, but if you are consistent with it, then you’re going to be okay. Try to get at least nine hours of sleep a day if you can, eat your greens, stay hydrated, listen to good music, go to the gym (even if it’s for a 15 minute walk), take time for yourself at the end of the day whether that’s journaling or Instagram brainrot reel time. No one’s routine is going to be exactly the same and there’s going to be days where you don’t follow it exactly! If you can’t go to the gym every single day or eat healthy all the time then that’s okay. Having rest days are so important, and I never want you to feel guilty for sleeping in, having ice cream for breakfast, or bed rotting! That’s a key part of the college experience.
Point being is, if you start to develop healthy habits, YOUR “perfect routine” will fall into place, I promise. I want to give a special shoutout to Sam at the University of Connecticut Rec Center, because she motivates me to be regular in my fitness journey and creates such a welcoming environment in her classes.
3) spend time with people who brighten your day
I am incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in my life who truly make my world shine brighter. Eileen is my roommate who is quite literally the girl you’d want by your side when you’re crashing out. She was there for me when I made the decision to leave the dance team and is someone who I’d trust to have my back whenever I need it. Grace is the friend I go to if I need a motivational pep talk, someone to be real with me, or someone who has the same brain waves as me. She inspires me so much to work on my health, physical and mental, and to have courage to go after my dreams. Pierrette was my first friend I made at UConn, and she is so selfless. She would sit with me in the dining hall, even on days that she fasted, because she knew that I didn’t want to be alone. The two of us laugh so much when we’re together and are like sisters from different wombs. Eileen, Grace, and Pierrette, if you are reading this, you guys mean the absolute world to me and our friendship is something I would take a bullet for.
Seriously, what did I do to deserve these amazing girls in my life?!
4) ‘it’s not that deep’
My new year’s resolution was to listen to a new podcast every week and that’s where I found “The Mel Robbins Podcast.” I’ve listened to eight of Robbins’ podcasts and this one was my favorite. She talks about an experience in her and her daughter’s life where there were high anxiety, panic, and distress. Then, Robbins said the key words: “It’s not that deep.” I actually wrote that saying down and taped it on my wall — Eileen can attest to that — and it has genuinely saved me from so many anxiety attacks. When you are panicking for an exam or can’t find one of the socks you threw into the dryer, just remember this saying and it might make your life a little easier.
5) put yourself on a pedastal, not others
“Hansi, you put everyone else on a pedestal and not yourself. Take everyone else off of it and put yourself up there.”
My wise twin sister, Karish, told me this during my freshman year of college when I would constantly compare myself to others. I want you to write down 20 things you love about yourself. If you can’t think of 20 or more, than you need to start putting yourself on a pedestal. You are so unique and some part of the universe wouldn’t function properly without you. We are all so capable, and it’s easy for us to forget that! Something I started doing was looking at the person in the mirror every day and say “you are (fill in an adjective)” for that morning and at night look back in the mirror and replace the “you” with an “I”; “You are beautiful” to “I am beautiful.” This tactic has helped me so much and it’s built up my self-confidence.
6) Fear is an illusion
Something Karish also told me was “Your anxiety is protecting you from something that has happened to you in the past.”
For example, I was freaking out the other day about being late to class because one time I couldn’t find a seat in the lecture hall and had to sit on the stairs. I was so scared that that was going to happen again that it made me panic. I was able to find a seat thankfully, but I was so mad that I psyched myself out. That brings up another point: don’t get mad at your body for trying to do its job and look out for you. Yes, I know it may seem annoying, but that sense of urgency and care is crucial to survival. Our bodies really do look out for us and just want us to be okay, even if it has an unusual way of showing it! Go give yourself a hug right now and tell your body, “Thank you for protecting me.” I’ll stop typing for a second and do the same!
7) you are not selfish for putting yourself first
When I left the dance team, I felt guilt that I was leaving the rest of the girls on that team down one captain, but then I had to think and realize: “if I’m breaking myself to keep everyone else comfortable, then that is self-neglect.” I wasn’t feeling the joy anymore and I needed to break away from the team to feel “free.” Last semester, I was constantly running around doing things for others and when I come to think about it, I never did anything for myself. Dance was eating up all of my time that it felt like such a chore and was causing me immense stress. Something that once made me so happy was breaking me down every single day. Yes, it’s great to help others, but to a point. You need to take care of yourself and prioritize your needs. Now, I go to the Rec daily, see my friends more, have time to relax, have time to study and so much more. I had a few people criticize me that I was “giving up” and “selfishly abandoning everyone,” but that’s when I realized leaving isn’t giving it up, it’s honoring the version of you that deserves better. And if they disagree, then that’s simply a reflection of where they are, not where you’re going.
On a casual note, I love a good night in where I paint my nails, door dash Taco Bell, and watch 90 Day Fiancé. You are allowed to say “no” to things and focus on yourself. People may see that as selfish, but I see that as exactly the opposite. I consider that to be brave. It’s brave to recognize, “hey I need a break,” and take that time to yourself. And, if anyone tells you that’s selfish, then ask them, “When’s the last time you chose yourself?” Chances are, they could use a self-care day too!
8) treat yourself: Activities, food, experiences
I used to often feel guilty for spending money on things not related to school, going out, or not studying 24/7. Boy, was I wrong! I’m not saying go spend $100 every single day, but I’m saying don’t feel guilty for spending money here and there for things that’ll make you happy. My boyfriend John and I have date night every Saturday night where we treat ourselves to non-UConn food and do some type of activity, whether that’s going to the arcade, retail therapy, or the movies. I used to think that doing something once a month was enough, but you should treat yourself every week. Yes, money is tight as college students, but your joy will thank you later. You also don’t have to spend money! Take a walk, try a new dessert in the dining hall, go to a UConn sports game (free for students), play pickleball in the Rec — the list goes on and on. What I’m trying to say is: get out of your academic routine every week and go do something for you!
9) There is no such thing as a bad day: There’s bad moments
I was walking downtown when my wired earbuds fell out, my big coat felt overstimulating, my purse kept sliding off my shoulder, and my hair was not cooperating. I opened Spotify and typed in “having a bad day.” After swiping past Bruno Mars’s iconic song, I clicked on the podcast above and Joey Kidney, the podcaster, made me realize that there is no such thing as a bad day, but there is such a thing as bad moments. I know we have days where everything seems to go wrong and we’re drowning in stress and that’s so valid. I try to think positively and try to find at least one positive thing that day. For example, last Monday I overslept, missed my class, had a headache all day, and my boots got destroyed in the snow. But, during my break in lab, I had my favorite protein bar. As weird as that sounds, it made my day a little less unpleasant. I used to have such a fear of “bad days,” but thinking of them as “bad moments” opens doors to so many lessons and of course, perspective changes.
10) you are allowed to change
It is OK that I am not who I was last year, month, week, or even yesterday! Our passions, motives, and experiences will change us, and most of the time, it’s for the better. Appreciate the person you were in the past but appreciate more than ever who you are now. It takes guts to make it to any age and persevere through so much. I used to be sad that I wasn’t the same girl I was last semester or last year, not doing the exact same activities or routines, but you know what? How BORING would it be if I had stayed the exact same for so long?! Change is often labeled as being scary, but think: would you have gotten to where you are now without any form of change? Probably not. With that being said: Some choreos outgrow their teams.
I want to give a shoutout to my mom for showing me this exact Pinterest artwork to me when I was in high school. My mom is the strongest woman I know. The reason you have been seeing so many cute Pinterest arts throughout this article was because every morning since middle school, she sends me a new unique piece of artwork. She inspired me to write this article and share my learnings, so thank you amma.
final words
If anyone hasn’t told you in a long time, then I will: I am so proud of you. You made it to 2026 and are striving to become the best version of yourself, kudos to you. I truly hope you enjoyed reading this and learned something from my experiences. Remember to keep your chin up and embrace the bravery within you.
I also want to give a very loving shoutout to Her Campus UConn for always fostering such a supportive and welcoming environment. You guys are truly the best organization on campus and have changed my life for the better, I love you guys.
Ah, there she is, the happy girl who finally got her spark back. :)