Today’s rapidly evolving age of social media and constant content exposure has teenagers and young adults obsessing over their online appearance and self-presentation in unprecedented ways. The freedom that apps like Instagram and TikTok allow to develop one’s profile and feed can be both creatively liberating and simultaneously harmful to a developing mind, especially in combination with the constant cycle of social phenomena and trends. This pattern in the media has yet again brought about the concept of performativity and categorization of people into strict stereotypes, and it has me thinking about the ways in which society rejects people for performing, despite the very idea of socialization as a whole being rooted in performance.
What does it mean to be performative?
The definition of performative indicates that the performative actions in question are only completed with the intentions of earning external validation rather than due to one’s own feelings, opinions, or values. Especially today, this is most often associated with elements of pop culture such as taste in music, fashion, movies and TV, and even activism and politics. But how can we ever really know someone’s intentions behind appearing a certain way? And why is it that we care so much? As young people in a highly impressionable stage of life, we seek both finding ourselves and being able to express and present that self-image to others. Why do we classify certain interests as positive or negative? And in what ways do we deter people from expressing themselves in the ways they’re passionate about?
An easy answer to these questions would be to disregard the common social needs of acceptance and validation: say that everyone should just be aware of the fact that they can’t control external perceptions of themselves. While this is very true, it’s easier said than done. Social media is rooted in a foundation of a focus on visible and quantifiable approval, and these values have weaved their way into the fabric of our self-image and self-concept in both obvious and obscure ways. We may observe the amount of likes or interactions we receive on a post and compare with others, but beyond just that initial impression, this comparison results in an internalization. We begin to wonder why, spiral over the multitude of ways we could appear to others, and feel the need to change, or fabricate, the person we want to be seen as.
The collective recognition and disapproval of performativity in the last year has taken the form of the “performative male” archetype: a guy who drinks matcha, wears quarter-zips, reads feminist literature, and overall appears to “appreciate” more feminine things only for the purpose of gaining female attention and approval. Now personally, I can see how this has become a widespread idea, but I can’t help but notice its contradictory and problematic undertones. While some guys might be overly public about these elements of their identity just to show off, it simultaneously perpetuates a precedent of toxic masculinity in self-expression. Men might be encouraged not to care about issues related to women and gender inequality, or feel compelled to curate their identities to appear to only enjoy the masculine things that are expected of them. Societal perceptions can go a long way, and I believe that a stereotype like this, although somewhat satirical, can spiral into something more detrimental.
The idea of the “performative male” has had me reflecting on the cycle of social stigma, especially in the last 15 years of the media age. The term “pick me girl” was coined in the 2010s, referring to the stereotype of girls who reject feminine interests for male attention and are seen as performative in terms of enjoying things like sports, gaming, wearing less feminine clothes, listening to more traditionally male-catered-to music, etc. While also beginning as a concept to categorize women, this too fell into a familiar spiral of misogynistic ideals relative to gender and expression. It deters women from displaying their interests and passions at the fear of being judged for seeking attention.
The double standard present between these two culturally explosive archetypes is something interesting to consider: the “performative male” is someone often praised for appearing as intellectual, empathetic, sensitive, and caring towards issues that women might care about, and the “pick me girl” is seen as someone fake, oblivious, and could only possibly be interested in more traditionally masculine things for the purpose of putting other girls down. The differing expectations between genders and the treatments they receive are staggeringly blatant, as women are most often shamed by all for performing, while men might be made fun of, but still reap the desired benefits from performing. This double standard relates even more broadly to the feminist lens when looking into the treatment women receive online and the amount of hate that’s normalized.
Why should we care?
These different social phenomena that have blown up online are just a couple examples of how young people largely react to the idea of fakeness and performativity, yet continue to participate in it and rely on it every day. Especially today, when it seems so easy to assess someone’s appearance and personality from the sliver of what we see presented on their social media, there’s much more of an emphasis placed on having a balance between popular and niche interests, an obsession with appearing to others the way you view yourself, and being constantly reminded of your identity because of the self-centered nature of curating a profile and posting. Even if a lot of this happens subconsciously, it’s a big part of the false world that social media creates.
I speak from experience. I can definitely admit to spending embarrassing amounts of time over-analyzing both my own presence online as well as others, and I’ve thought a lot about why I feel the need to do so. Being faced with and reminded of an aesthetic feed or a prosperous life on social media in a daily scroll rewires your brain to examine and evaluate things in a different way. You might feel more inclined to emphasize certain aspects of your personality or interests in order to form a certain idea about your identity, which is really all performative to some extent.
I can say that I do envy the people who aren’t heavily affected by others’ perceptions of them, but I know that a lot of young people experience a crossroads with self-preservation, expression, and today, a balance between performing and being authentic. In order to create a more real and cognitively consonant setting for myself, I seek and value posting, saying, and expressing whatever I feel represents who I am, especially on social media. I always appreciate someone who is true to themselves in a society where that idea isn’t always prioritized, and I encourage you to do the same!