College is supposed to be the best four years of your life, right? Well, I mean, that’s what everyone says at least. And that’s what I felt like I was told throughout high school: “College is a time of self-discovery,” “Oh, it’s the best four years ever,” “Some of my favorite memories came from college,” “I wish it was longer!” Everyone said college was so spectacular, so much fun. So perfect. Knowing this, you can imagine when that fateful first day of college finally arrived, I clearly had extremely high hopes. Spoiler alert: it was bad. My first ever day of college was nothing like I had expected. My first week wasn’t much of an improvement, and that first month didn’t get any better. I kept thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not loving this when everyone else is?” I truly thought I was the problem.
Now, I’m not here to bash the institution of college, because I greatly value my education. It’s quite the privilege for me to even be here and even kind of complain about it. My main gripe is with the attitudes and conversations surrounding college. As my final semester of undergrad is slowing coming to an end, I’ve had quite some time to be introspective about my past three and a half years as a college student. And, to be quite blunt, these have been some of the toughest and worst years of my life. That’s not to say that there haven’t been good moments, because of course there have been, but overall, this has been a rough journey. I’m here to let you know that you aren’t alone, and it’s more than okay to feel this way. Here are the three (and a half) lessons I’ve learned while experiencing the highs and lows of higher education.
Year one: Don’t Hold High Expectations…Or Any
I started my first semester of undergrad in August 2021 at Quinnipiac University, and many pandemic regulations were still in place. I had to wear a mask everywhere on campus, we had to social distance, and everything felt very spread out. Because of this, I felt a little isolated at times. But I wasn’t going to ever admit that. No, I didn’t initially dare to admit how much I hated where I was and what I was doing with my life. Everyone around me seemed to be having a great time, so I should too! Everyone was going out, being social and going wild, while I sat in my dorm or spent an ungodly amount of time at the library. I thought I’d be going out every weekend and meeting people left and right. Surprise — I wasn’t! I was a hermit, whether it was partly my fault or not. I hated leaving my dorm (because I hated my university), but I didn’t allow myself to admit such truths. Not once did I put the blame on my environment for how I was feeling. Instead, I blamed myself for everything that was wrong.
To my 17-year-old freshman self: you are putting far too much pressure on yourself. So what if you’re not going out every weekend? It’s not like you’d want to be standing in a crowded basement of a fraternity — that sounds like one of your personal circles of Hell. And hey, it doesn’t matter if you don’t automatically have a huge friend group, it’s all about quality over quantity, anyways. If I took one thing away from my first year of college, it’s that I should not have had any expectations about literally anything. College is not like how you see it in the movies, people! It’s also way different now, compared to when everyone who’s telling you how great it was, is. Sure, I bet college in the ’90s was great, but it’s the 2020s. Life isn’t the same, and your expectations shouldn’t be based off some outdated and extremely skewed ideals. I should’ve gone in with an open mind and zero expectations, but I had to learn that the hard way.
Year Two: Let Yourself Feel
I started therapy a week before I transferred to the University of Connecticut in August 2023. Before transferring, I had been living and working in Florida for the Disney College Program, and then working a retail job near my hometown. During these times, my mental health was at an all-time low. It was not pretty, nor healthy, and I knew I needed to do something about it. So, I took the plunge and decided it was time to take care of myself. That was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life.
Looking at the person I was two years ago to me now is night and day. I’ve healed so much, and even though it hasn’t been an easy process, I am so proud of myself for the progress I’ve made. I’m much happier, I’m way less anxious, and I feel so much more. I’m not as closed off as I used to be, and I actually welcome a lot of different emotions into my life. I don’t put off my feelings, I actually explore them, and even try to figure out why I’m feeling that way. Crazy, right? Well, if you asked me two years ago to do that, she would look at you horrified and ignore everything you said, so I call that progress! The best thing you can do for yourself is allow yourself to feel. Doesn’t matter if it’s a positive or negative emotion, just feel it out. It can help you a lot more than you could ever imagine.
year Three: Go With The Flow
I had finally broken my record of staying at a college for more than a year, so I figured that was a good sign! Because I now had a better idea of what to expect for the upcoming academic year, getting into a rhythm was easier than expected. I had a better sense of direction for the campus, a better handle on what to expect for a workload, and was slightly more comfortable socially. I was no longer the new transfer student, I was basically a veteran at this point! You could ask me any question relating to the campus, and there was a good chance I’d know the answer. No longer did I feel like a fish out of water, and it felt phenomenal.
Due to my newfound comfortability, I became a tad more relax. On the whole, I’m still generally a little uptight, but at least I was trying my best to be my definition of chill! I put myself out there more, became more social, and didn’t put so much pressure on myself. I did whatever felt right in the moment, and I think it helped me enjoy college a little bit more. Naturally, I still had my moments where I wanted to leave and give up, but I persevered, and became stronger because of it.
Year Three And A half: Do Whatever You Want
Going into this semester, knowing it was my last and that I was finishing up early (or late, whatever), I began the year with an entirely different attitude than I’ve had in any year of college: I’m going to live my life doing whatever I want. Seems pretty obvious, I suppose. But, if you’re anything like me, it’s easier said than done. I stress easily and I’m a generally anxious person, so the smallest inconveniences can push me over the edge. I’m also a recovering people pleaser, so doing what I wanted to do and prioritizing myself over academics (or literally anything) was such a foreign concept. Now, I do worry that I’ve taken this laissez-faire attitude towards my education and social life a little too far, but it’s too late in the semester to change, so oh well!
This is probably the best I’ve ever felt during my time in college, and while it is bittersweet that I finally feel so good at the end of my undergrad career, I couldn’t be happier that my semester is going this way. I might be swamped with random homework assignments, but long gone are the days of making myself physically ill over an assignment or a grade. I’m going out, I’m seeing my friends, and I’m able to balance my work properly. Truly, the key to my success is taking everything one day at a time. I’m not stressing about something that’s too far in the future to visualize. Instead, I’m simply waking up every morning, and handling whatever the day has in store. Do not let something so small or arbitrary consume you, just live your life! No one else cares, so why should you?
Slow down, You’re Doing Fine
My college experience was anything but normal, and I’m acutely aware of that. I know that what I’ve experienced in my 20-something years of life is something that many people might not ever experience, and to those people, I’m happy for you, but just know I also envy you a little bit. But, to those who feel the same way or have had similar experiences, you are so valid. Don’t beat yourself up if it seems like everyone around you is having the time of their lives and you feel like you’re barely getting by. It’s okay if you’re not okay! I know for sure I can’t constantly be functioning at maximum capacity, so I allow myself to have some days where I’m quieter or more reserved than usual, and that is fine. You need to take care of yourself, no matter what that looks like.
I think I can say with full confidence that college was not the best three and a half years of my life, and while that was a tough pill to swallow at first, it’s a truth that I’ve come to accept, and actually welcome. I don’t hide the fact that my time in higher education was less-than stellar (or completely unenjoyable at times) and I think we should be talking about how unpleasant college can be, even if you enjoy the learning aspect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful that I was able to attend college and get a degree, but that doesn’t mean I’d do it again if I had the chance. There shouldn’t be any shame in admitting that you don’t like something and that it’s making you unhappy! College is already filled with so much stress, there should not be added pressure to feel obligated that you must like it, either. I think I’m too young to be deeming a small fraction of my life “the best years,” because that’s setting up an awful way to enter adulthood. I’m thankful for the lessons college has taught me, but I’m ready to close this chapter of my life and start a new one. My life’s just getting started— it doesn’t end when I walk across that stage in my cap and gown!