There’s no denying it: depression is an illness that is baffling to people. It is not always an illness that you can see — people who have it are not always outwardly sad, and you can’t always tell someone is depressed just by looking or talking to them. Also, depression can affect anyone, even people who seem like they should be happy. And no, you cannot make someone’s depression go away by telling them just to “be happy,” or that they should just “smile no matter what.” The Simpsons episode “Moaning Lisa” is a great depiction and exploration of depression and the toxic positivity people have when it comes to negative emotions.
In the episode, Lisa wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. She’s very depressed and nothing can cheer her up. She’s unable to enjoy a food fight at school and is so sad she doesn’t even attempt to dodge the balls while playing dodgeball. She even gets a note sent home from school telling her parents that Lisa refused to play dodgeball because she is sad, to which Homer remarks “She doesn’t look sad, I don’t see any tears in her eyes.” Lisa explains that it’s not that kind of sad, and that she doesn’t think Homer would understand. Homer says he would, and asks Lisa to tell him about it. Lisa says she’s wondering, “What’s the point? Would it make any difference at all if she never existed? How can we sleep at night when there’s so much suffering in the world?” Homer, who was obviously not expecting any of this, is unable to come up with a quick answer, so Marge offers to draw Lisa a hot bath. Lisa apologizes, knowing her dad means well.
Homer’s reaction to Lisa being depressed is a pretty typical reaction of people learning someone is depressed: “You don’t look depressed!” People often expect depression and mental illness in general to present themselves in a certain way, like they expect if you’re depressed, then you must be all sad and crying, but that’s not always the case. Depression is not just feeling sad and crying but other things too, like low energy, feeling hopeless, loss of interest in activities that would bring you pleasure, and difficulty concentrating. It’s not as simple as it seems. In addition, people think illnesses have to be visible to others for them to actually be taken seriously. This could not be further from the truth. In my opinion, invisible illnesses are the most pervasive and troubling of them all, precisely because people don’t take them seriously. People with invisible illnesses have just as much, if not more, pain as people with visible illnesses, but they must suffer in silence because people don’t see their pain, and therefore don’t believe that it’s real or believe that they must be exaggerating it. So they have no one to validate their pain. Their invisible pain is a burden they end up carrying alone because no one quite understands how it feels.
Later on, Lisa hears a saxophone playing in the distance outside and goes out to find it. She ends up discovering a man playing saxophone on a bridge overpass. Back at home, Marge has a dream about her childhood. In it, her mom is telling a young Marge to “put (her) happy face on” before she goes outside, “because people know how good of a mommy you have by the size of your smile!” She gives a big smile to her mom, then leaves. Meanwhile, Lisa is jamming with the man on the bridge overpass, who introduces himself as “Bleeding Gums” Murphy, because he’s never been to the dentist. He says he supposes he should go to one, but he has enough pain in his life as it is. Lisa says that she also has problems. Bleeding Gums says he can’t help her, he’s just a horn player, but he can jam with her. Lisa accepts, and they play the blues. Bleeding Gums sings the blues, and then Lisa takes a stab at it, singing her little heart out about everything that is bothering her in her life, such as her bratty brother, her mom giving her cupcake away, and, my personal favorite, “my dad acts like he belongs, he belongs in the zoo.” She finishes her song by saying that she’s “the saddest kid in grade number two.” (Just wait till you’re our age, Lisa). Bleeding Gums says she plays pretty well for “someone with no real problems.” Lisa says that she doesn’t feel any better though, to which Bleeding Gums replies “The blues isn’t about feeling better, it’s about making other people feel worse!” He tells her the name of the club he plays at, in case Lisa is ever in the neighborhood. At this point, a very worried Marge shows up to take Lisa home. Lisa begs to stay a little longer, but Marge won’t let her.
There is a lot to unpack here. Let’s start with Marge’s dream. Marge’s dream shows how people are often discouraged from expressing bad emotions, often told to repress or push those emotions down, to keep outward appearances, like if they’re not all smiley and social and perform to other people’s liking, other people won’t like them anymore. Marge feels like she has to keep performing, keep being happy for other people, and never let out negative emotions because nobody wants to hear it, nobody wants to see it, nobody really cares, and it’s simply not convenient. But is it ever convenient to have negative emotions? It’s difficult, it’s unpleasant, but it’s part of life whether we like it or not and we all have them. The key is being aware of those emotions when you have them, and learning how to manage them in constructive ways, rather than just repressing them and never dealing with them. The other thing this dream shows is that Marge doesn’t know how to comfort Lisa or help her deal with her depression because she was never taught how to properly deal with negative emotions or experience them. I feel like this is the reason a lot of people never learned how to express themselves properly emotionally; because their parents never taught them how because they didn’t know, either.
Let’s also talk about Lisa singing about her problems with Bleeding Gums Murphy. This scene shows how music is a good way to release and discuss negative emotions in a positive way. Even if you don’t feel better, at least you got your thoughts out, and aren’t bottling up your feelings inside of you. This is why any kind of art, like singing, drawing, or writing, is helpful when you feel sad. It’s also part of why I like writing so much. It’s a good way to let your emotions out, and relate with other people, too.
Later on, when Marge is driving Lisa to band practice, Marge tells Lisa, who is still depressed, that she wants her to smile today. Lisa replies that she doesn’t feel like smiling. Marge says that it doesn’t matter how Lisa feels inside, it’s what shows up on the surface that counts. She says that that’s what her mother taught her to do, take all her bad feelings and push them down. “All the way down, past your knees, until you’re almost walking on them! And then, you’ll fit in! And you’ll be invited to parties! And then happiness will follow.” Lisa fakes a smile, and Marge drops her off. However, after Marge drops Lisa off, she observes Lisa interacting with everyone now that she’s smiling, polite, and agreeable to everyone, and it isn’t pretty. Marge observes that because Lisa is polite and agreeable, she doesn’t stand up for herself, or state her opinions, and because of this, everyone walks all over her.
The last straw is when the band conductor says he hopes there won’t be another outburst of “unbridled creativity” from Lisa, to which she meekly replies “No sir.” Marge, realizing her mistake, immediately turns the car around and pulls Lisa inside. Marge immediately apologizes to Lisa, admits she was wrong, and takes everything back. She tells Lisa that she should always be herself. She tells Lisa, “You wanna be sad honey, be sad, we’ll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we’ll still be there.” Lisa hugs Marge and smiles. Marge tells Lisa she could stop smiling, and Lisa says she feels like smiling.
There is also a lot to unpack here. The first thing is how Lisa is discouraged from expressing how she really feels, and just being agreeable and pleasant, and once she starts being agreeable, people start liking her because she doesn’t speak up for herself and they can push her around, really reminds me of how women are discouraged from expressing themselves, and if they do, they are labeled “difficult.” One kid literally says to Lisa, “I used to think you were some sort of a brainiac, but I guess you’re okay.” This is important because he liked her better when she wasn’t expressing her own opinions. This whole sequence demonstrates the idea that, in the words of Helen Lewis of The Guardian, “Women are called unreasonable, selfish, and unfeminine whenever they stand up for themselves.” It’s sad how society seems to like women best when they are passive, agreeable, compliant, and don’t offer their own opinions.
Another thing of note is how Lisa cheers up when Marge tells her that it’s ok to be herself and they’ll be there for her. It helps loads to know that the people you love will validate your emotions, and won’t judge you or abandon you when you’re struggling or not “perfect.” For the rest of the world, you have to perform a certain way to earn its affection, but you don’t have to perform happiness for your family. They love you just as you are, warts and all. Just knowing that she didn’t have to change who she was for her family and that they wouldn’t stop loving her for going through a depressive episode probably helped Lisa a lot.
Ultimately, depression is a mental illness that is far more complex than we think. It’s not just being “sad” and its symptoms are more invisible to most of us than we know. In addition, toxic positivity is a huge problem because people feel a huge pressure to be happy all the time and push their negative emotions down, even though negative emotions are part of life and you can’t avoid them. Finally, it helps a lot to know that your family will be there for you no matter what and never abandon you, even if you are having negative emotions. “Moaning Lisa” does a good job depicting depression and toxic positivity.