Love is in the air and it can be suffocating. From instagram stories to spotify playlists, none of
us are getting away without being reminded of the hallmark celebration of love. It can be hard to
be alone on the day of the sort, especially while the entire world seems to be buying into the
propaganda of it all. Being single for two wholesome years, however, has given me an entirely
different perspective of it. With Valentine’s day fast approaching, I wanted to twist narratives
and shed light on how liberating and enriching being single can be.
- Start building a relationship with yourself
It’s a great time to put yourself first and take center stage! Put yourself first and know
that no one else completes you. The entire notion of having an ‘other half’ has been
romanticized to benefit the capitalist agenda. You need to feel whole by yourself before
you can tend to anyone else. Explore who you are, reflect on what you have come
to be. Sit yourself down and ask yourself questions. What do you like? What are
your desires? What makes you sad? These are basic questions that I know most
people don’t take the time to sit and think about. Write it down, make a journal maybe!
I attribute a lot of my finding myself to meditation. I developed the habit of
taking 5-15 minutes to myself every day in the morning to focus on the present, on
everything I have to be grateful for, everything I intend on accomplishing that day and
just focus on being alive. When you acknowledge everything you already have going on
for you, you do not feel the need to have someone else to make your day.
- “The end of a relationship is a failure”
The number of times I have heard that statement blows my mind to this day. The end of
a relationship is not a failure, that’s just life. It just did not end up working out and that is
completely okay! It wasn’t meant to work out. You have to move on from that. What
will be will be, focus on today. Feel what you need to feel and then let it go, don’t stop
yourself from going through the motions, especially after a breakup. Feel it to heal it babygirl.
- Appreciate your freedom
This a great time where it’s just you and you get to take care of yourself! Do whatever
you want! You have so much time and you’re not answerable to anyone! Take that pottery
class you had been wanting to, go for that concert you couldn’t make time for, try out that
new restaurant on a whim. You can do so much with your time when you aren’t spending it
trying to build a relationship with someone.
- Do things alone
This can be a tough one. I love to be alone, but I do understand that
other people don’t appreciate solitude as much as I do. However, what I can stress is that
you should try to do things alone. Go to the movies alone. No one’s going to judge you,
no one cares! Go and enjoy a movie if you want to watch a movie. Go shopping by
yourself; I love shopping alone, it’s almost therapeutic. Go for a meal by yourself. Its
probably the hardest one that a lot of people shy away from doing, but bring a book or a
newspaper or just sit and have a meal by yourself. It is life changing. There is such
freedom and beauty in solitude, in knowing that you do not have to rely on people for
- Spend time with your family and friends
Spend quality time with those who bring you joy and laughter and build relationships with
them that you maybe did not nurture as much when you were in a relationship
previously. I spent a great amount of time with my friends while I was single
(I still do till today) and I know that I have built a circle full of long life-lasting
friendships that are going to stay with me regardless of having a boyfriend or not.
- Flirt and date
The most fun one. When you go out, flirt! Don’t hold yourself back; of
course that is much easier said than done but have fun with it! Go on first dates! Dating
doesn’t only have to be about finding yourself a partner. You learn so much about
yourself, your taste and pet peeves you didn’t even know you had. I was such a yes-man
this one summer that I was single and I said yes to almost every first date that came my
way, even when there were instances where I was too shy or nervous, I went with the
flow and had some great ones and some that weren’t as such, but I went on to simply
have a great time! That is what I was looking for, just an opportunity to go out for dinner
or drinks and indulge in harmless, innocent fun and I felt liberated. Go for that date, it’s a
life experience, how can you say no to it?
- Take everything you learn while being single into your next relationship
Be yourself, be your independent person in your relationship and work on yourself until
you know that you don’t need anyone else to complete you. You should never feel like you need a
person in order to go on in life. You can want someone in your life, badly, but always
know that you don’t need anyone but yourself. I remember having this conversation with
my now boyfriend pretty early on in our relationship, we talked about how we love being
with each other, but if things were to end , as sad as we would be, we would be alright.
We know that we can have a happy and fulfilled lives with and without each other. It is a
comforting feeling, and I am so glad to have that in a relationship because no one wants
to be dependent and dependency is never attractive.