Relationships are confusing.
When you are born, no one gives you a guide on how to navigate the different connections in your life.
Recently, I have noticed a shift in my perspective of the people closest to me. As people grow, priorities tend to change.
Those who were once your best friends move away or no longer reach out.
While the people you met during your time in college or at a new job are suddenly at your apartment every day and attached at the hip.
This has led me to take a step back and realize how often things change.
When I was younger, I hated change. My introverted, Libra self would freak out anytime the simplest thing was altered.
But now, I welcome it.
Change is unavoidable, so why not embrace it?
As one of my favorite actors, Timothee Chalamet said, “You could be the master of your fate, you could be the captain of your soul. But you have to realize that life is coming from you and not at you, and that takes time.”
Now that I hold this appreciation for the unknown, when my relationships change, I don’t sink my nails into its skin and hold on desperately. There is a sense of freedom in loosening your grip and allowing life to play out.
At this very moment, I am currently in another season of change when it comes to my personal connections. This has left me with burning questions that seem to be repeated in my mind as I try to let go of control and breathe through the waves of life.
Why do I always have to be the person who reaches out first?
Do they no longer wanna hang out with me?
Did I do something wrong?
Why does the phone seem to only go one way?
Why is my effort not being reciprocated?
When looking at my relationships, I seek to maintain a balance and protect my peace, while also doing my best to nurture the relationships I want to put effort into.
So, here are ways that I navigate growing up while prioritizing the relationships that mean the world to me.
Reaching Out More, While Also Reaching Out Less?
Reaching out seems self-explanatory and kinda cliché, but I’m guilty of not following through with this idea. I admit, I could be better at checking in on my friends and family, especially when I miss them.
Texting or calling once in a while to see how they are doing could be the very thing someone needs in their life. We have such easy access to anyone in the world with social media and our phones, so why do we isolate ourselves and forget to reach out?
One thing that I have been trying to implement is how to reach out more while also reaching out less.
That sounds insane, I know.
But here’s my thought process.
As someone who is a recovering people pleaser, I do my best to reach out constantly to my loved ones. Even if they don’t respond for some time, I reach back out again to check in on them.
Yes, this is important in sustaining any relationship; however, it’s also just as crucial to set boundaries. When you start to notice you are always the one reaching out first or taking the initiative, take a step back.
Don’t constantly drain yourself for those who aren’t willing to meet you halfway.
I’m not saying to never speak to them or have them in your life, but maybe you just don’t prioritize your energy towards them as much as you used to.
I’m learning to put this into practice throughout my college career and hopefully become an expert in my 30s.
Plan Those Monthly Hang Outs (Get Some Coffee And Yap)
I will always swear by this in any relationship!
Planning to meet once or twice a month is so important. Whether it’s with a grandparent, a friend who attends another school, or your little brother, making time to see each other can be healing.
As everyone gets older, schedules get crazier. Life seems to move a million miles an hour, and the brakes no longer work.
But carving out a couple of hours to grab brunch or even browse a bookstore means a lot not only to them, but to you as well.
You will feel so much lighter after a hangout with someone who also chooses you!
There is nothing sweeter than laughing about all the life updates that haven’t been shared and being in the good company of a loved one who fills your cup.
If it’s not physically possible to meet up in person, catch up through a FaceTime call! Yap about the crazy stories from work or school that are sure to get a screenshot-worthy reaction out of your friend, family member, or romantic partner.
Communication Is Key– Even When It’s Uncomfortable
Oh my gosh, can I stop with the common sense tips? But what can I say, communication really is key.
Being transparent with those in your life avoids so many potential conflicts in the future.
I’m not saying to tell everyone your business, because there is power in moving in silence (I believe in the evil eye), but being honest when things are bothering you or if there is a situation taking place that is important to your dynamic.
Throughout the past few years, I have gone through friendship changes that have ultimately suffered due to a lack of communication.
I will be honest; I could have been more transparent about the tension I noticed. On the other side of the same coin, it’s also important for your relationship partner to communicate as well.
Again, I will reiterate: everything in a relationship should be two-sided. Both parties should put in an equal amount of effort.
If communication isn’t a priority to them, then why should they expect it to be a priority to you?
As I’m writing this, I’m honestly tired of feeling like a lot of my friendships fall on my shoulders, and it’s my responsibility to upkeep them– especially when it comes to communication.
When I finally decided to place a boundary to protect myself and put the weight down on the ground, I got pushback for not putting in enough effort.
To be honest, I feel like no one wants to be a villager even though they expect a village.
How am I going to help you build your house from scratch, but then you leave me alone to make the floor plans of my home?
At the end of the day, relationships are hard.
And growing into an adult is even harder.
Remember, everyone has their own life to live, but don’t forget to support your loved ones who are also living theirs too.
We are all a part of the same ocean, just in different boats.
Be there for others.
Be there for yourself.
Be present.
Be patient.
Be love.
Love is the most important thing of all.