18th Edition
Ask Her is back for the spring semester, and we are so excited to get back into the swing of things. We’re starting off this new year by NOT talking about men, so instead, we’re talking about roommates and friendship dilemmas and putting yourself out there. Tune in next week for our special edition Valentine’s edition! Submit questions for us to answer here!
“I love all of my roommates, but two of them want to room without my other roommate next year. it’s going to be such an awaited conversation… But I need roommates.”
Hey girl, these types of conversations are never ones that anyone wants to participate in, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that your time and honesty are what matter the most in this situation. Having this conversation sooner rather than later gives your ‘left out’ roommate the time they need to find another place to live without feeling rushed. Be honest and give them the space to say how they feel. I won’t lie, it might be awkward, and it might be hard on them too, but I really believe honesty is the best policy in situations like this. This conversation doesn’t have to involve all four of you. A one-on-one talk might actually be more respectful and less overwhelming. You might want to explore your options as well. You will still find roommates regardless of whether you stay with your current ones or not. Maybe you’ll want to go with the “left out” friend, or maybe you won’t. I’m not sure about the whole situation but try handling the situation with compassion for your friend and be honest and vulnerable with them.
-Victoria Sanchez, HC Contributor
“I have a friend who I constantly invite out, however they are always canceling or saying no. They are so supportive, however It feels as if we are so distant so, I don’t really know how to repair our friendship to what it was before or if there are any steps to help rebuild it even though I know they are busy it just feels as if I’m an inconvenience.”
Hi chicky! I totally understand this. It can be so frustrating to feel like the only person in the friendship who is making all the effort. It leads to moments where we feel like an inconvenience. The first thing I would suggest is to put yourself in their shoes; why are they cancelling? Are they busy with school or work? Are you inviting them to do things they don’t like? Sometimes it can be easier to understand why you are feeling distant when you think about the nuances. Try inviting them to something you know they’d want to do and see what happens. If they are supportive of you, I’m sure they would make it known they’d want to be there. If that’s not the case, sometimes friends just grow into different people and go down different paths. I know it can feel impossible to find friends nowadays. But there are so many people out there that match your freak perfectly!
-Grace Neves, HC Contributor
“I’ve been struggling with social shyness and anxiety. How do I get over this? I used to be very extroverted, but now I avoid putting myself out there, knowing this is what makes me feel lonely in the end. How do I change this?”
Hey girl, I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. I struggled with a lot of social anxiety my freshman year. The first thing I thought about was, “Are these really situations I enjoy being in?” Most of the time, they weren’t. I actually felt anxious because I didn’t want to party or go out, and being in uncomfortable situations wasn’t the ideal way to spend my Saturday night. Second, if I didn’t have justified anxiety, I would always reach out to a friend to join me at events. Going with a friend eliminates the possibility that you may not know everyone and, most importantly, makes everything 100x more. You can get ready together, take pics and even split an Uber ;). Third, reflect and reach out. At the end of the day, growing is uncomfortable; we can’t grow without change. However, shifting your perspective from ‘scary change’ to ‘opportunity’ makes the difference. On weekends when I feel alone, I go on solo dates because there’s no pressure, but I’m still putting myself out there (Froyo, movies, cafes, you name it). Or I reach out to a friend, call a family member or journal. Bottled-up feelings are never good and getting them out of your head can calm the situation and even help you navigate how and why you feel a certain way. Don’t be afraid to take a risk. And when you do, take a breath and go easy on yourself.
-Elise Ramos, Senior Editor