This post spawns from the fact that I was not in Alabama for spring break, not in Florida for spring break, and definitely not in New Jersey for spring break. Instead, I was stuck in NOLA to fantasize about my home and all the reasons why it is the greatest state in the union. If this doesn’t apply to you, show it to your friend from NJ. We’re the most densely populated state in the union, so you probably know one (or 20) of us.
Trains
Most of my fondest memories take place on a train from Convent Station into New York City. Trains were places where you could giggle with your friends, put your feet on the seat (and then get yelled at for it), and covertly sneak some “Gatorade” to drink. Here in New Orleans, the only trains I see are freight trains. Where can I take a freight train? Nowhere, but I can sit at a crossing and wait 30 minutes for one to pass through completely.
Someone Pumps Your Gas
This isn’t even a princess thing, this is just a straight NJ law. Only full service stations. I get that pumping your own gas isn’t that hard, you only unscrew the cap and blah blah blah, but think of the convenience of SOMEONE DOING IT FOR YOU. That is the American way, people.
Pizza
Boot Pizza, Naked Pizza, Domino’s. What do they all have in common? They aren’t New Jersey pizza. Everyone thinks that you can put some cheese and sauce on dough and call it a pizza. This is false. Go to New Jersey, order a pizza from any little pizza place, and enjoy its deliciousness.
Bagels
This is pretty similar to the one above, except for a million times more important. Any bagel that isn’t a Jersey bagel might as well just be from the grocery store. Also, I have two words that solidify the sanctity of New Jersey bagels: Taylor ham. If you don’t know what Taylor ham is, read this. You honestly have not lived until you walk into the bagel store (TFAB for anyone from Morristown, Morris Plains, and Randolph), go to the counter, and order a Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel with salt, pepper, and ketchup. Seriously, book your plane tickets right now.
State Pride
I don’t know what it is about New Jersey. One second we all hate each other (you know North Jersey > South Jersey, etc.) but as soon as someone tries to diss Jersey all borders are erased. I have never seen another state defend itself so vehemently, nor have I ever heard any other state start a chant at a frat party (I kid you not, I have witnessed this. Jersey pride). If you make the mistake of saying something nasty about NJ to a native, you can be sure that they will give you a 35 minute explanation of why your state is inferior. Honorable mention to Maryland in this category though: I’ve seen people rep Maryland flag print socks, which is some true dedication.
Sass
This isn’t completely unique to NJ (New Yorkers have a pretty strong sass level), but if something upsets someone from Jersey you can be certain that you will be hearing about it for the next few days. Or week. Or month. Jersey-ites are not afraid to speak their mind about anything that causes them distress. You can be sure that no one is going to hold a door for you, everyone is going to honk at you when you don’t pull up half-way for a left turn, and if you hold up the bagel line you are risking your life. But we like it this way, and it works this way. Sammi Sweetheart (one of the only Jersey Shore cast members actually from Jersey) sums it up pretty well in her opening line: “I’m the sweetest b***h you’ll ever meet.”
Terms
Jug handle. Mischief Night. The shore. Sound familiar? Then you are probably from New Jersey. Try to say any of these things to someone from another state and they will look at you like you’re insane. Say this to anyone from Jersey and they will probably tell you a story about one of these things. It is also guaranteed to get you on their good side, as the shore is everyone’s favorite topic. Not Seaside, but the real shore.
Everything
While every place has their own things that make them great (for example Louisiana has New Orleans and that’s pretty cool!), New Jersey is the only place that has everything great. You haven’t really experienced perfection until you are eating a piece of Jersey corn (yes, we really are the Garden State. Not the smokestack state, although Newark is the first/only thing many people see) outside on the patio during a cool summer night down the shore. Try it sometime.