As someone who has changed where they lay their head at night, from home in West Virginia to college in Baltimore, and again to study abroad in England, I sometimes find myself wondering where it is I truly belong. And it’s funny how sometimes you always miss where you aren’t.
When I’m away from my family home, I’m a mountaineer who bleeds gold and blue. I’m a child of the woods who’s worked at a fruit stand and eats pepperoni rolls three meals a day. When I’m away from Towson, I’m a Tiger who has a million projects, clubs, and passions on the horizon. I’m my university’s biggest supporter and busiest student. When I’m away from England I’m a world traveler. I have a million stories to tell about the most minute details you’ve ever seen, and a thousand memories to share with people you’ve never heard of. But where do I belong?
Do I belong in the West Virginia hills with the people I grew up with and keep as my close friends today? Do I belong among the Towson Tigers with filmmaker friends who teach me to become a professional, but also share a laugh? Or do I belong in the new and unfamiliar land of England with brand new friends from all different countries?
I have fought with this a lot recently. Which place is “home”? What makes a “home”? Some people say home is a place, or a person, or even a feeling. Under consideration of these varied definitions, I think I have found that “home” is everything really. But more specifically, “home” is what follows you, and what you follow in return.
There is a saying. It goes, “wherever you go, you bring yourself with you.” This refers to the idea that one cannot simply escape a place and expect to escape a feeling. A change of location will not fix the problems in your life or in yourself. Moving only provides a change of scenery. And that is what West Virginia, Towson, and England are. They are just changes in scenery.
Home, however, is not a change. Home is what stays. Yes, home can evolve over time to include new things or let old things fall away, but for the most part, home is here to stay. Home is not a place you leave but is instead the things that follow you when you go. These are the things you bring with you and the things that maybe you don’t pack in your suitcase, but are along for the journey nevertheless. These are the pieces that you can’t leave behind because they always follow you.
Home doesn’t need a plane ticket, or passport, or even a telephone. Home doesn’t need to be near you always or hear your voice. Home can be away from you and close to you at the same time. Even if you don’t interact with Home for a week, Home is still there. Home is dedication in its simplest terms. Home is effortless effort. Home is reciprocating and understanding, but most of all it is true, loyal, and gentle.
Home is my family video chatting me on the weekends.
Home is my cousins playing video games with me over the telephone.
Home is the cards I find in my mailbox.
Home is my grandma’s homemade potato soup and my grandpa’s giant bag of tea.
Home is my best friend sending me a copy of her script.
Home is my boyfriend mailing me flowers from overseas.
Home is my high school friends making plans for coffee.
Home is reconnecting as if we never left.
Home is my mother sending me Thanksgiving decorations.
Home is my Big showing me what’s she’s made for dinner.
Home is receiving photos of family parties.
Home is collecting family recipes to prepare from miles away.
Home is I miss you,
I love you,
be careful,
how are you,
and does this look infected?
But, the one thing home isn’t is selfish.
Home is not just all of the nice things you do for me. Home is time shared between us. Home is me reaching out and you reaching back, you reaching out and me reaching back. Home is cultivated, but is no burden. Home is built out of love and not exasperation. Home is freeing, and not constricting. Home is trust.
Often times, I feel, we forget to open our Home. Personal time is precious. There’s work, school, goals, things that need to be done. But, Home does not feel like a chore. Home is an open-arms invite. We have to be the Home that follows others just as they are the Home that follows us.
Be a safe space,
a loving face for others.
Don’t carry an empty Home with you; instead, let it flourish.
And that’s not to say that Home isn’t clumsy. Sometimes Home forgets. Sometimes Home gets really, really busy. But what makes Home, well, Home is that it always will end up finding time. Maybe Home can’t talk to you today, but Home will get back to you tomorrow. Maybe Home is swamped at work this week, but what about 12 PM on Saturday? Maybe Home can’t go to dinner, but how about coffee?
Home is where the heart is.
Home is what you put your heart into.
There are places and things in this life that will follow you. Your drive, your ambition, your goals, your favorite restaurants and cafes. These are Homes too, and they are important. But you will not find anything in your life that can provide you with more of a Home than the people in your life. And there will be people in your life who are Homes to you. They love you, they miss you, they want to know about your day. Make sure that you build a Home for them as well. Be what follows them. Support them. Love them. Genuinely care. Ring the doorbell once in a while instead of staying cooped up inside waiting for someone to step on your doormat.
I have read so many articles online about shutting yourself in and taking time to be alone. Have personal time. Stay inside. Put yourself first. If others can’t understand, then they aren’t your true Home.
In this way of thinking, we forget the reciprocal parts of love. Of course, we need to keep our own spaces clean. Take out the vacuum every once in a while. Tidy up. Dust around. Doze off on the couch. But if you try and keep your Home so pristine that no one else can come in, then you might find that no one wants to come in anymore, anyway.
Home doesn’t keep track of who sent the first and last text messages.
Home doesn’t care who drove last time.
Home doesn’t owe you anything and you don’t owe anything to Home,
except your love for Home and be loved by Home in return.
And I say again, Home is easy. Home doesn’t overthink it. Home isn’t complicated. Home just wants to be a part of your Home and hopes you feel the same. Home doesn’t have wild expectations of you. Home just wants to be a part of your life. Don’t abuse Home, embrace Home. Embrace the people you see every day and haven’t seen for months. Embrace the book on the shelf you’ve read a thousand times and still love. Embrace your hobbies, and talents, and desires.
If you have a Home, in whatever form it takes, don’t get angry or frustrated with it. Just love it and be loved in return. Put faith in your Home, that it will follow you across state lines, and mountains, and oceans. Your love of someone will follow you. Your love of cooking will follow you. Your dreams of writing will follow you. Just so long as you remain present with it as well. Put in the easy effort and cultivate your own Home Sweet Home. Keep the doors open and welcome old and newcomers inside. It’s okay to have a day in, but it’s okay to venture out into other Homes as well. Pop in. Say hello. Ask how things are going.
You’d be surprised how At Home you can feel from 3,569 miles away.