By: Claire McCullochÂ
It seems the easiest solution to dauntingly living on your own is to do so alongside the person that has been there for you through everything. Regardless of how long they’ve been in your life, there seems to be this idealistic fantasy of getting to live with your best friend and tackle the world together while transitioning from late teens to early twenties; a stylized movie montage of the two of you living cohesively as one.
I fall into this category, excited for the life I’d get to live with my best friend as my roommate. While many people warned both of us (of fallouts and extremisms), and realistically it’s only been a two months since our move-in, here are some helpful tips to address living with your best friend:
1. Space isn’t a bad thing
You may find that you spend a lot of time with your best friend to begin with, however when you live with them they are a constant in your life. They are there the moments you wake up and before you go to sleep, there while hanging out with mutuals, and possibly even in some of your classes (I say this with my hand raised). All in all, you’ll be seeing them a lot.
Which is why space is necessary. You don’t need to always study together, you don’t need to always cook together, you can have nights holed up in your own room watching movies without them. And it’s entirely okay. Space makes you appreciate each other way more than spending all your time together will in the long-run.
Helpful tip: You’re 100% allowed to say “I want to do my own thing tonight”—my roommate and I have both done this if we ever need to just relax by ourselves or be on our own for a while.
2. Communication is key
Good communication is important, especially when living with your best friend. I’m not saying you need to be in contact at all times, but it’s always a nice heads-up to have if you’re coming home to people being over, or if parents are coming by, etc.
What goes hand in hand with communication is honesty. If something is really bothering you (i.e., cleanliness, loud music, or any little thing) it’s something that’s okay to be addressed. While they are your best friend, it’s your space too (and if you’re downtown Toronto, you’re paying an arm and a leg just to be here), you want your place to be somewhere that you can enjoy too. Just because you’re close doesn’t mean you have to ignore how you’re feeling, even if the conversations can sometimes be a little awkward.
Helpful tip: Try to address these issues in person rather than leaving passive aggressive notes or texts. This is your best friend here, you can talk to them, and issues are often best dealt with in person.
3. Be Open Minded
Whether you’ve known this person since you were two or you became best friends in your last year of high school, you’ve each lived in a different household for the first 18 or so years, raised by different people. Everyone has a different way of boiling pasta, or dealing with laundry, even organization. Just because you know your way of doing these things, doesn’t mean it’s always going to be the right way.
This is a tip for any roommate in general, but with your best friend I feel like it’s important. You may know them and their habits from hanging out constantly or sleepovers, but you’ll never really know them until you live with them. It’s a whole different ballpark.
Don’t self destruct if they’re doing something opposite to how you would have handled it, or let’s say, have moved something in the house that you disagree with. If you’re both fairly open minded to small inconsistencies in your living habits, you’ll be able to adapt better and avoid any arguments based on little issues within the apartment.
Helpful tip: How they organize their cupboard space is not the end of the world.
Secondary helpful tip: Laugh about it. You’re living with your best friend in one of the greatest cities, the boat doesn’t need to be rocked because of small issues.
Overall, the two of you will be changing regardless of living with each other or not. The important thing to remember when transitioning from not only best friend to now roommate, is that it doesn’t mean that you become one person. You’ll both still have separate interests, friends, and hobbies. As long as you both still respect each other and have each other’s back, your transition from best friend to roommate can be a smooth one (and a totally worthwhile one — *insert happy movie montage here*).