One thing about me is that I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough. Even when I try my absolute hardest during the day, then get into bed exhausted at night, I tell myself that others are working so much harder and doing so much better.
Comparison can make us feel like we will never measure up to those around us, but self-doubt makes us feel like we are wasting our inner potential. Some of us feel as though no matter how much effort we put in, our results will always be merely satisfactory, or just short of it.
This can make it daunting to take big leaps in pursuit of our goals. Our brain will tell us, “Why apply to that fancy university or big company when you’re probably not good enough anyway?“
Even getting small tasks done can be scary. It may make you think, why do something with the chance of it not being great, when I can avoid doing it altogether? And if I absolutely need to do it, why not delay it until the very last minute so that at that point, I have no choice but to get it done?
Personally, I’ve found that my self-doubt has caused me to feel anxious throughout the workday, and this feeling is not something I anticipated.
Although I often felt self-doubt when completing assignments for my degree, I felt that they were not super high stakes, and I procrastinated as a result. I knew that my completed tasks were only really being looked at by a TA or a professor. After they were graded, they didn’t really matter and did not need to be looked at again.
On the other hand, while completing tasks as part of my current corporate-style job, the things I do matter much more because they affect more people. The work I do is not simply looked at, reviewed, and then discarded. It is often done because someone needs it done.
Because of these “high stakes,” I’ve sometimes found myself so anxious during my working hours that I am unable to do more daunting, unfamiliar tasks. To work around this, sometimes I’ve had no choice but to complete easier, routine tasks during my working hours, then log on in the evening or on the weekends to do more heavy-lifting tasks. I guess the anxiety of receiving a scary Teams message plays a factor here.
Of course, this is not ideal. When already working full-time hours, one should take advantage of the evenings and weekends to exercise, read, relax, and do the things they are not able to while at work. It is important to leave work for work hours. Ultimately, this is something I have not yet mastered, but am definitely working towards.
I recently have had some chats with those around me about my performance, and to my surprise, they have been quite positive.
While I thought I was lacking in many areas related to my day-to-day duties, I have had colleagues express a desire for me to stay beyond my contract end-date, even advocating for me to my manager.
I have also had a recruiter at the organization, who I often work closely with, ask if I’d be interested in applying to a different upcoming role, expressing that he thought I had most of the transferable skills for it.
Even my manager’s evaluation of my performance as a co-op student was quite positive. She highlighted strengths that I didn’t even realize I possessed. She also made note of my areas of improvement, adding that these things can be mastered with time and experience.
Overall, while I thought I was dragging those around me behind, I was making things easier for them. Even completing simple tasks like responding to emails in my team’s shared inbox alleviated workload from others.
Conversing with my colleagues about the work that I do made me realize that I am much more important than I realized. While the organization does not intend to replace me after my contract ends — whenever that may be, my day-to-day tasks will need to be handed over to others. In discussion about this, I learned that I do quite a bit to support the organization and my work does not go unnoticed.
If you think you’re not doing well in anything, you may simply have a lack of information. So talk to your professors, your managers, your classmates, your colleagues, your friends, or your siblings. Ask them what your strengths are and what you’ve done well in. Ask them where you can improve and for suggestions on how to do this. Sometimes just asking questions can open up a world of information you never knew about.
As I continue on in my career and my academics, I hope to ask for more feedback. I also hope to remind myself that I am probably doing better than I may realize. If someone really thinks you’re not doing well, they’ll probably tell you. In fact, early on in my current role, my manager expressed to me that there was room for improvement in my performance. It’s interesting to look back on that and realize how far I have come in the matter of about half a year.
Another thing that I have learned over time is that you won’t get a “yes” unless you ask. So talk to your manager about a promotion. Apply to that prestigious program at that fancy school. Submit an application to that job at that big company that hundreds of people are probably going to apply to.
After all, the worst they can say is “no.”
And the best part is, that no does not mean anything other than to continue doing what you’re doing. Maybe seeking out the next opportunity will lead to a yes.
We are our own worst critics, and if we are too critical of ourselves, we can end up self-sabotaging. So take things one day at a time, try your best, and believe that whatever opportunities are meant for you will find you.