My sister frequently told me that most of my university experience would be feigning small talk and that I had to “fake it till I made it.” She wasn’t wrong.
Unfortunately I didn’t take her advice when I began university myself.
It also didn’t help that I am the textbook definition of an overthinker. I was constantly in fear of my first interactions with university students going awry. So naturally, when I had to part ways with friends from back home and begin my semester, I didn’t have high expectations of making new friends. In fact, just the idea of small talk alone was exhausting to think about but I never realized how lonely I would feel without it.
In my journey to explore how universities were making students lonelier, I met Tara Raessi, an entrepreneurship major at Ryerson University. We didn’t meet through awkward icebreakers or at the Ryerson Pub but through our shared interest in campus activities.
Somewhere in between our conversations, she became comfortable enough to tell me why she was in the same lonely boat as me. “My best friend went to university in Guelph,” she said. She explained adjusting to university in its entirety was nothing exclusive to her and I; everyone goes through it but no one talks about it. Her story echoed similar sentiments about how the lack of conversation about this topic makes people forget they’re in the same situations as their peers.
Between the Facebook invites to student movie nights and events, the line between fostering efforts to form communities and actually interacting with people can be easily blurred.
Nowadays, it seems as if universities go overboard with planning student events. Even grabbing a quick cup of coffee feels like a networking event.
Tara and I adjusted to university life in very different ways. She kept busy for the most part, between juggling the CBS blood-drive and learning how to crochet, all while maintaining an impressive GPA.
For me, being alone wasn’t all that bad either. It contributed significantly to my self-development. I remember delving deep into the realm of poetry and prose in my freshman year out of sheer loneliness.
I think university students often struggle to maintain a balanced social life. At times we fail to acknowledge this amid juggling classes with a part-time job, so throwing a social life into the mix seems daunting.
Being aware of how routinely embedded the concept of loneliness is within university and how it can consume our lives is an excellent place to start taking steps toward change. A good way to follow through on this would be to avoid blocking out all the ‘noise.’ Forcing yourself to grab dinner with a friend or even just replying to your text messages may seem pointless but so does small talk, until we realize how important it is to build and maintain genuine friendships.