Hi friends, it’s Jeli!
Seeing as how we are nearing our first-month completion of college life… Volume Fall 2022. I really wanted to offer some of my own experiences and tips on getting past the dark clouds that may be rolling over our heads and help you find a beautiful rainbow through the rain. As we all know you can’t have ups without a few lows, so today I really wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of freshman blues, returning student sadness, or whatever you choose to call it. This phenomenon happens every year/break for just about everyone and it isn’t talked about enough. Nonetheless, I need you to know it is TOTALLY NORMAL and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. It is incredibly human to miss the friends and family you had to part with for the next one, two, three, or even 8 semesters that you’re away from home and experience sadness. At this time we are finally learning what it means to become adults and this big change is absolutely terrifying! Nevertheless, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!!!
As a little side note: I don’t want my articles to be the type where you read them and think “Great that was useless.” So I would like to put it out there that if anything I write didn’t connect with you, I’d love for you to reach out to me to ask any questions you have, or simply just vent to me. I am the last person to ever judge you for your concerns and I would love to help. My DM’s are always available on Insta @xoxo_jeli.
Moving on….
My advice today…..
DRUMROLL PLEASE….
is to stay…..
W-I-R-E-D!
Wired is my own little acronym I made up of all of the important things that helped me my freshman year ease my blues and continue my growth as an adult.
W: WORKOUT
My first point has to be working out. If you know anything about me, I am a little gym rat who loves lifting. While I am no Ed Coan (a.k.a. the most famous powerlifter), I have a passion for weightlifting, exercise, and adventures. Don’t get me wrong. I was not always this way. I was the type of person to work out one day and be so sore I gave up for the next 4 months. Surprise, surprise this did absolutely nothing for me! It wasn’t until I became really depressed that I decided to take lifting seriously because I was determined to do something for myself that not only made me healthier but feel/look better to boost my self-esteem. To be completely honest, I was built like the letter P in high school and it largely affected me. Despite my desire to go to the gym, I still failed to go for a lot of weeks or days. I wasn’t seeing any benefit, I didn’t feel better, and I didn’t look any different. To say the least, it sucked. I had nothing pushing me to actually go and no one was holding me accountable. Then one day I made a private story on my Snapchat and every time I worked out I posted at least one picture. I added friends that would support my journey and the more they told me that I had improved the more I wanted to work at continuing my growth. Eventually, I didn’t need to post every time I lifted because I fell in love with working out. I no longer needed to take my medication and it drastically helped my depression. While I know lifting is not everyone’s thing, I can firmly tell you that just thirty minutes of physical activity will do wonders for getting through the rest of your day. You’ll feel more accomplished and healthier than ever.
I: IF YOU WANT TO GO HOME JUST DO IT!
When I was a freshman I was that one student who couldn’t help but run back to my friends in my hometown. It also didn’t help that an hour-and-a-half drive was a super doable drive for me. While the drive was no walk in the park it allowed me to have some self-reflection time to truly sit with myself and my thoughts. It was great for asking myself questions about what I wanted to do with my life and who I wanted to be. Not only that, but I got audiobooks of the books I needed to read for my classes and listened to them. I used to be such an active reader, but let’s be real some of these history books are nowhere as tantalizing as the books we rather read. This strategy ultimately helped me improve my grades. Eventually, I went less and less and was able to grow a foundation here on campus. A large part was because my pocket was draining due to the increase in gas prices and college expenses. However, I do not regret spending the money or going because I was really “down in the dumps” after failing to get into orgs and it helped me overcome my anxious thoughts of being alone. In all honesty, I still want to go see my friends and family. I legitimately saved up all my tips so that I could afford a $500 round-trip ticket to fly down to Arizona two weeks ago to see my best friend in college because I missed him and the memories we’ve had over the years. IT WAS WORTH IT! Now, I can say I’ve been to the University of Arizona and have new incredible memories with him like trying to shove myself into a children’s skirt flat smack in the middle of Target because the dressing room was closed! While the ticket is probably the most expensive thing I will ever buy this year other than rent, it was so crucial to my happiness and self-preservation! To say the least, sometimes you just need to know people care about you and make stupid memories to keep you going. When you feel lonely you can get tunnel vision in those lost and alone feelings, which never pans out well, at least not for me. Even so, I know that not everyone has the amenities, time, or money to just go home. It is easier said than done in regards to students who live further out, which brings me to my next point.
R: REACH OUT TO YOUR FRIENDS
It’s simple enough so I won’t ramble on. In short, I know we as people want to be reached out to, but sometimes we have to reach out first. Imagine how you would feel if someone randomly asked how you’re doing; It would make your day, right? So be the difference. Call a friend, talk about life, or make them laugh. The joy you create in that five or ten minutes will reverberate across your week and theirs. It’s the little things that truly matter! And hopefully, those friends will start to reach out to you so you can always carry a little piece of home with you.
E: EAT!
You need food kings and queens!!! I know how hard it is to get caught in the media, to want to be a size 0 or 2, but, you are beautiful just the way you are! I always struggled to gain weight, but now that I am bigger and healthier and I never want to go back. I am not trying to sway your goal, but the size of your tag doesn’t matter. Loving yourself and feeling confident in your own body is the most beautiful thing you can do yourself. When you love your body, your body will love you back. Meaning it doesn’t matter your body type or how big/small you are you have to feed yourself or you will feel like POOP. Not eating sucks and makes me feel nauseous all day. It also stuns your weight loss progress because your body will start to crave food. So if you actually want to lose weight to be healthier, try to eat more protein-based foods to curb your hunger rather than fat or carbs. This will allow your body to still function properly and reduce your food intake. However, I must reiterate…NO SIZE is worth hurting yourself for. If you’re struggling to put on weight because you can’t afford food or for any other reason the UT OUTPOST is always available to pick up free groceries. It is not embarrassing to need help. I have been there myself and sure I felt insecure, but at the end of the day…the strangers that see you on the street do not care about what you do. Only you should because you have to live with who you are. Not everyone can have everything, but we can try our best to be happy with what we have.
D: DATE YOURSELF :)
This is something I struggle with myself sometimes too. I had a couple of breakups that really took a toll on me in 2021 and 2022. I truly thought these people were my soulmates, but hey young love. I went into a hole and thought that I must not be good enough. However, this isn’t the case. The second I started dating myself, the sooner I realized that I was lucky that those two relationships didn’t work because I deserved better! I started off with little pedicure days where I would pamper myself with a nice foot scrub, some lotion, and a dazzle of nail polish. Then, some days I would get super dolled up to feel beautiful for myself at school that day (I still do this). I’d also buy myself flowers every couple of weeks because they’re literally like $6 a bouquet at Walmart for a decent selection. May I add, anyone who doesn’t buy you flowers after being together for a while is trash because it is not that hard. If they wanted to they would! Anyways, the more I loved myself in these little ways, the more I felt happier to wake up in the morning. Now would it be nice to have romantic company every now and then? Absolutely! But, I am at the point in my life where I am not willing to settle for less for temporary comfort just to feel “loved” and it’s truly been a blessing to my mental health. So, please listen to me carefully friends, if you do anything…know your worth. Treat yourself how you expect to be treated in a relationship and if your significant other or friend steps out of line, talk about it. If they can’t fix or work with you to change for a reasonable concern it’s time to get up and walk out. You are a gem in a sea full of sand, you are priceless, you are mesmerizing…remind yourself of it every day!
Now while this list won’t instantly cure your sadness, it will help you learn how to grow in silence and ease you into being more comfortable without others until you can find a crowd that you thoroughly enjoy being around. I can honestly say my least favorite advice going into college was “join orgs” and “just go make friends.” Why? Well, while most people and articles make this process sound like the easiest thing in the world, I know it isn’t! I tried out for sooooooo many spirit orgs and every time I was denied, I bawled my eyes out and felt worthless. Then one of my really amazing friends reminded me that I have always been an out-of-the-box type personality and that’s more than okay. BEING YOU IS THE BEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO! I had to learn the hard way that it truly doesn’t matter how many things you get involved in. Sometimes being around certain people or being a part of that spirit group won’t ease the loneliness because you’ll have to be someone else to fit in, which isn’t worth it. It wasn’t until I took a step back and appreciated myself that I could find who I truly wanted to spend time with as opposed to occupying the emptiness I was left with. And even though I don’t have it completely squared away, I can honestly say… I love myself. A wise friend once told me “At the end of the day you are left with only you so you might as well enjoy who that is until someone else can appreciate it too.” While at the time it didn’t strike me in awe, as I went through my days, sad about my latent ability to make friends, I thought about what he said. Then one day it snapped, I took it to heart and applied it. Now, I have amazing friends who would move mountains for me just as I would for them and while life still gets a little lonely I remind myself of ways I can fall in love with myself again. In my personal opinion, this is the biggest secret to happiness…being in love with yourself.
It’s also so important that you know all the emptiness or loneliness that you feel is expected because for most people we are used to seeing our friends every day and a large part of that was because we were shoved in high school for 8 hours a day minimum. In college we don’t get that privilege of being friends by proximity, we have to go out and find people worth making time for. We genuinely choose our own friends and we learn the kind of people we want to surround ourselves with. If we don’t have that foundation of knowing who we are, we’ll never be truly satisfied with the company we’re with, which, only restarts this cycle of sadness. That is why my tips above are so important! I don’t expect every tip to fix all your problems, but I know at least one will help you keep fighting for tomorrow and every other day after that and hopefully guide you to love yourself just a bit more.
P.S. If no one has told you today…you are amazing. You are hilarious, you are here for a reason, and you are loved. Hold your crown high, remind yourself of how incredible you are, and pass on the love.
XOXO,
Your friend, Jeli <3