The value of friendships is often greatly underestimated. Take Valentine’s Day, for example, which the average American associates with romantic love. To many, the aisles of CVS and H-E-B are filled with sweets, stuffed animals, and overpriced Hallmark cards expressing love and adoration. On the other hand, certain countries celebrate the holiday in a more holistic sense, leaving much room for all forms of love to be celebrated. Latin American countries such as Mexico, Colombia, and Panamá refer to the holiday as “El Día del Amor y la Amistad,” which translates to “The Day of Love and Friendship.” Latin American countries, along with many other parts of the world, emphasize the importance of having a chosen family to celebrate both the highs and lows of life.
Individualism in America has shaped many people’s views on vulnerability and brought much shame to asking a next-door neighbor for a cup of sugar, let alone asking a friend for help in times of need. As a twenty-two-year-old in my last semester of college, I can confidently say that life becomes easier and far more fulfilling when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with others and embrace the family you choose in your early twenties. The benefits of doing so greatly outweigh any surface-level social gain.
Maintaining healthy, high-quality friendships has been proven to extend a person’s life expectancy. Psychology and neuroscience professor at BYU, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, explains that people with limited social interactions and a lack of meaningful relationships “face an increased risk of premature death.” The article The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy emphasizes the significant impact that platonic relationships have on our physical and mental health.
So, how does one break through the stigma that society often places on being vulnerable with others? What does vulnerability look like in friendships? How does one pick their chosen family?
The idea of opening up to new or old friends can be daunting and anxiety-inducing. The payoff, however, can greatly enrich a person’s life in the long run. When opening up to people, it’s important to know who to open up to. The LA Concierge Psychologist, in their article How to Use Healthy Vulnerability to Deepen Your Friendships, stresses that one of the most crucial parts of vulnerability is ensuring you share it with the right people.
To avoid the guilt of oversharing with someone you might have a one-sided friendship with, the article suggests first establishing a mutual understanding and level of trust. The author advises testing the waters by opening up in small ways and observing whether the other person reciprocates. This simple step helps build a foundation where deeper sharing can later take place.
As “senior in high school” turns into “freshman in college,” one soon learns the challenges of making friends in a new environment. The comfort of built-in friends, people you have known your entire life, is no longer your reality, and the feeling of having to “start over” may cloud your judgment of the real beauty of creating new connections with strangers.
Making friends in college does not have to be as jarring as it seems—it can actually be similar to what it was like growing up. Aside from joining organizations on campus, rushing Greek life, or becoming friends with your random roommates, making small talk with strangers in class or on the streets of campus can bring about unexpected friendships. Growing up, most of your friends came from interactions based on forced proximity that flourished into genuine connections. College life is very similar to that, and once you change your outlook on it, making friends seems within closer reach than you originally thought.
One of the aspects analyzed in the article The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy is how limiting acts of intimacy and vulnerability (such as gift-giving and spending quality time together) to romantic relationships prevents platonic relationships from reaching their full potential. Psychologist Marisa G. Franco from the University of Maryland says that society would “really benefit from blurring the lines between the two”—that is, romantic relationships and friendships.
Love languages do not apply only to romantic relationships—tending to your friends’ love languages serves as a gesture of appreciation for the friendship you share and an understanding of their needs. It is important not only to establish relationships but also to strengthen them and invest the same energy you would in a romantic relationship into your platonic soulmates.
To quote the creators of the hit sitcom Friends, your twenties are “that time in your life when your friends are your family.” Without my college friends, I would not have gotten through some of the most challenging years of my life. But for every low I had in college, there were incredible highs that my friends celebrated with me.
As my friend group navigates the transitional period of moving from undergrad to applying for jobs or grad school, we hold onto each other closely and have become much more vulnerable with one another as college has progressed. This year, I celebrated Valentine’s Day as Galentine’s Day for three days in a row with my closest friends—my “divas,” as we refer to each other. We watched movies, made crafts, explored Austin, shared delicious food, and showered each other with overflowing love.
So, the next time Valentine’s Day rolls around and the merchandise and advertisements try to make you feel like you’re missing out on romantic love, look to your gal friends or anyone you hold dear to your heart and celebrate the platonic love you share.