As I was creating my latest Instagram story, I found myself worrying about the most minor details. What we display onto the world is not technically a lie, we curate ourselves and the public image of us, but for who? There is no one that I am attempting to impress, yet I still gave my post too much thought. My friend asked me why I needed it to be perfect, and I replied with “I am being perceived.” I don’t have a specific reason to believe this, it’s just knowing that people have a certain idea of me. Somewhere out there, there are people talking about me and what they think they know about me. Why should that matter? The truth is that as long as people can think, people can misunderstand.Â
Everyone is guilty of misperceiving someone, and everyone is guilty of performing a version of themselves to be more liked. We build perceptions on people over the smallest of things, one single conversation can change what we think of someone. We are in a never ending cycle of worrying about what people think, and thinking negatively about people. We shouldn’t let such an unstable concept determine how we act. People will talk even if you do everything “right.” Judging is just a human thing to do, and envy and judgement go hand in hand — we will always have things others want so therefore we will never escape judgement. I am a retired people pleaser, and I know how hard it can be to break away from that mindset. My friends will tell me things that people say about me, things that aren’t negative but not fully true about me. I don’t explain myself, because who do we owe that to? There is no need for me to explain myself to someone who never attempted to know me in the first place.
So, what is the solution to not worrying about people’s perception of you? Let them think whatever they want to. We cannot go around correcting everyone, there will be silent opinions of us that we will never know about. We can’t lose who we are due to fear of what people will think. I grew up being the “weird” kid, and I can attest that trying to be liked is just an effort to not be excluded. I could keep pretending to like things I don’t, but I can’t ever change who I am. Life has been so much better since I stopped trying to be liked, and the people who truly love me for who I am have stuck around.Â
I think being known is entirely more beautiful than being liked. We are fragments of stories told about us and opinions that exist out there. It is so freeing to accept that you will be misunderstood by some, we cannot fit into everyone’s desires. Societal expectations will always exist: who you should be as a woman, who you should be as a friend, who you should be as a student- that doesn’t mean you have to live up to that. Perceptions can always change and can always be incorrect, yet I will always be me. As long as you are happy with who you are, the rest should all be background noise.