As I write this, Taylor Swift’s Daylight and every other Taylor Swift love song are playing in the background. Honestly, what better soundtrack for a story about rediscovering love? If you’re reading this, I’d recommend pressing play too.
No one really prepares you for what it’s like to experience healthy, mature love after spending years with the wrong person. It’s a strange transition, one that requires unlearning habits you didn’t even realize you picked up. I wish I had someone tell me that healing isn’t just about moving on, it’s about reprogramming the way you see love itself.
Before going into my own experience, I need to share the lesson I learned: When life offers a choice between a gentle, patient, understanding man, and a nonchalant, adrenaline-seeking, toxic, thrilling man, I should always choose the man I want as the father of my future daughter. I learned this the hard way, even when I should have seen it coming.
My past relationship convinced me that I was incapable of being truly loved, that I was somehow undeserving of the good things in life. I grew to believe that begging for change was an act of love, that the ups and downs of toxicity were simply part of the ride. I also became someone I didn’t recognize. I grew to become jealous, something I never imagined for myself, because he gave other women more attention than me. I found myself questioning my worth frequently because he would constantly make me feel small. I cried alone, mistaking my tears for love. I let a man control my life with gaslighting and manipulation tactics for a little over 2 years, forgetting who I was in the process.
And then, one day, I finally chose myself. I let him go completely.
Not a single person told me how much patience I would need, not just with a new partner, but with myself. No one warned me how difficult it would be to break free from old, unhealthy habits. Healing wasn’t just about leaving. It was about rediscovering the version of me that existed before him. I took time to put myself first, to embrace my independence and freedom. What I didn’t realize, was that I hadn’t truly unlearned the damage he left behind. I was free, but I was still carrying the weight and trauma of my past.
The next thing I knew, college began. I went on dates and met new people, but none of them felt right. Some were reminders of what I didn’t want to experience again, others were simply placeholders in a heart still too afraid to trust. I wasn’t really looking for love; I was terrified of falling into yet another meaningless relationship. So, I kept my guard insanely high.
A year and two months later, during the month of October, I met him. From the moment we spoke, something felt different. There was no rush, no uncertainty, no terrified or anxious sensation, just an effortless connection. I gave him my number that night and immediately went out on one date the following night. That turned into another, and then countless of them. With every conversation, every moment, I realized that he was enough to make me risk love again. He taught me that love isn’t supposed to feel like a battle, that I don’t have to fight for attention or beg for reassurance. He showed me that love can be patient, steady, and kind. And most importantly, he helped me relearn what I should have always known: I am worthy of a love that feels safe and secure.
I am forever grateful for this love—the only option both my mind and heart ever truly recognized and agreed upon, for once. This person embodies everything I never knew I needed from a partner. The kind one. The gentle one. The one who makes me laugh uncontrollably. The one who brings me peace in the chaos. The one who lets me embrace my inner child. The protector. The one who respects me in every way. The one who cherishes even the smallest details of me. The one who listens intently to every word I say. The one who requires no lessons on how to be a good man because he simply is one. The one who is unwaveringly sure of me.
The season of love recently unfolded, and I want to express my deepest gratitude to my guy for his patience, his unwavering love, and his willingness to stand by me as I continue to grow and heal. The saying goes, “One person’s trash is another person’s treasure,” and I can only hope to remain rich in the love we share. May everyone find the love they are truly worthy of. And when you find it, you’ll wonder why you ever settled for anything less.
Thank you for bringing my spark back. Thank you for being my inspiration for this piece.