Back when I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to wear makeup when I was older. Even though I did not grow up feeling like I had to wear makeup, I loved the artistry of it. I was fascinated by all the pretty colors and sparkles and wanted to look like the older girls and women I admired.Â
I started off wearing nail polish and lip gloss sometimes for special events as a child. By the time I reached the eighth grade, I was wearing makeup on a daily basis. I think at that time I was mainly using neutral eyeshadow, mascara, brow gel, powder, and tinted lip balm, but I remember finally feeling like an older girl and not a kid for the first time in my life.
The older I got, the more makeup I started to wear. I remember in my freshman year of high school, I started wearing darker eyeshadow and concealer. I got into the habit of wearing my makeup no matter what, even if it made me late for school almost every day. Even though I wore it so often, I never considered myself to be someone who was dependent on makeup until later that year.Â
I remember I had to go to an out-of-state band competition with my school freshman year and I was exhausted from having to wake up early almost every day of the trip. I didn’t feel like waking up early anymore so I decided to not wear makeup on the last day of the trip so I could sleep in.
When it was time to leave and I was putting my things on the bus, one of my friends said “hello” to me. I turned around and said “what’s up?” only for him to immediately make a weird face at me and ask if I was sick. I was so confused why he thought that so I asked him and he said that I didn’t look the same as I usually did.
Ever since that moment, I remember feeling like I looked dramatically worse without makeup. I made an effort to always wear makeup to class for the rest of high school and wouldn’t let anyone but my family see my bare face. I felt so insecure without makeup but hated that I let it have so much power over me.
The sad part is that many girls I know have stories like mine and have developed insecurities about their appearance due to what other students or even friends and family members have said about what they believe is “different” about them. These comments can stick with us for years especially if we don’t make an active effort to not listen to them.
Now that I am in college, I have started wearing makeup less even though it’s uncomfortable for me sometimes. I still love makeup and I believe that it helps make me feel more confident as a person but I am learning to not be so reliant on it. I hope that I can reach a place where I view it as something I do for fun and not an expectation, just like what the little me thought.