I’ve only been at UT Austin for one year now, but I’ve had my fair share of experiences with people who aren’t affiliated with Greek life passing (sometimes not so) subtle judgments about my choice of participating in a sorority. I’m involved in multiple other clubs that mean a lot to me and my identity, but I’ve never faced criticism for any of them besides my social sorority. Why? Why does the stereotype of a “bimbo” follow me even at a pretty prestigious university?
I initially never wanted to be in a sorority. My middle school experience was one filled with awkwardness and embarrassment paired with a distinct feeling of not belonging. I had very few friends, and a good number of them were boys, leading me to believe that I simply had to be “not like the other girls” and I was some sort of cooler, misunderstood, subset of women who rose above the ditsy femininity of my peers. In reality, I felt completely insecure and lesser than the other girls. I was a late bloomer and a goody two shoes, always prioritizing my schoolwork over my appearance. This didn’t mean that my appearance didn’t bother me–I just lacked the skills necessary to follow the trends and fit in. My warped perception of womanhood and femininity festered.
By high school, my social understanding blossomed and suddenly I deeply cared about what other women thought of me. I constantly imitated what I saw the other girls at school wearing and saying, picking up lingo that felt entirely inauthentic but would make people laugh. I craved the attention that the beautiful women I was surrounded by received from one another. I hadn’t even had a female best friend since my childhood, but in high school, I felt like I was constantly a third wheel to two closer female friends. Every time I established a close relationship with another girl, I felt like I was still the second choice to someone she knew longer, or who had a better style, or who was quieter and kinder. This led me to misinterpret my lack of connections as a result of the cruelty of other girls rather than a reflection of my own faults. I felt miserable in a misunderstanding environment once again.
By my senior year, the idea of a sorority seemed silly. Paying for your friends to drink all day (every day) and neglecting the schoolwork you’re paying thousands of dollars to complete?
My mom and grandma thought otherwise, though. It was clear to me that they weren’t kidding when they said they made their most cherished lifelong friends through their sorority experiences. They both had such close sorority sisters that they were still present in their lives and I knew them as family-like figures in my own life. Suddenly, the idea of being part of a larger sisterhood that had values aligned with my own didn’t seem so bad. My mom and I shared so many fun moments picking out my outfits for recruitment that would showcase my unique personal style and practicing conversational skills that would showcase my ambition, passion, and intelligence.
During recruitment itself, I felt so seen and heard by hundreds of women, both within the sororities and those who were going through the process alongside me. When I finally stepped foot into the sorority I ended up receiving a bid from, I felt understood on a deeper level. The women I talked to wanted me for me and I resonated with their experiences the same way they resonated with mine. That week was incredibly difficult on me emotionally due to a family emergency, but those women still made me feel comfortable and supported during a super difficult time. I was overjoyed to find that kind of sisterhood.
The community outside of my sorority, however, seems to have very strong opinions. Most of the critical comments I’ve received for being part of Greek life have come from people who have never participated in the process at all. How could they possibly understand what these girls mean to me?
This is not to ignore or forget the problematic history of Greek life and the effects that still persist all across the nation to this day. It is extremely important to acknowledge the failings of the past in order to move forward toward a more inclusive future for all those inside and outside the Greek community. The sorority I chose specifically stuck out to me because of its acknowledgment of the classist and racist history behind the institution and its dedication to moving forward with a values-based recruitment that judged girls not for their clothes, their wealth, or who they know but for their authentic character traits.
I know now that there can be a perfect balance of being like “the other girls” while also maintaining my own individual identity. My unique traits make me a valuable friend instead of differentiating me from my peers. I’m still working on learning how to be a better friend to people, but my sorority has exposed me to such a variety of inspirational women that I want to constantly become a better version of myself to uplift them in the same way that they uplift me. I have such a hard time dealing with the perception of what a “sorority girl” is because my sorority sisters are so incredibly intelligent and talented that I can’t imagine someone diminishing these aspects of their personalities simply because of their Greek affiliation. So many of my sisters are pursuing medical school, law school, or other graduate degrees, and already have experience with highly competitive internships due to their academic successes. It’s clear to me that being in a sorority or partying and being hardworking are far from mutually exclusive.
Greek life is certainly not perfect, but it’s important to understand that many chapters, like my own, can be incredibly important support systems that are prioritizing inclusion for all. I’m proud to be part of a strong group of women who value the same things that I do and are continuously working to transcend stereotypes and prove our value to this world.
AOT to my Kappa Deltas out there ;)