Well ladies, we’ve made it over the Valentine’s Day hump and thankfully the next holiday is a lot less mushy and a lot more messy, more sloppy than sweet and more tacky than tender. So put away the pink and break out the pasties—it’s Mardi Gras time!
There are only about two weeks to go until Fat Tuesday, when the good Catholics among us will have one last hoorah before giving up swearing, drinking, Facebooking or whatever hedonistic activity they’ve decided to refrain from until Easter. As for the rest of us, who don’t plan on abstaining from profanity, tequila or unhealthy amounts of social networking for the next 40 days? Well, it’s just another excuse to do two of the most fun things imaginable: road trip and party.
There are two ways to go about Mardi Gras. The first involves Itineraries, hotel rooms and chaperones (i.e. any companions who aren’t likely to lose the hotel key or forget where the hotel actually is). The second and more likely option if you’re like me—broke, excellent at procrastinating and not too concerned about personal safety or the opportunity to shower—is winging it with nothing but sequins, Smirnoff and the realization you might be sleeping in your car.
But whether you’re rollin’ like a big shot or slummin’ like a star, there are some definite DO‘s and DON’T ’s for party time in the Big Easy:
DO dress flashy…
There’s no other time and no other place where you can combine sequins, feathers and masks—DURING THE DAY—and be totally appropriate, so take advantage! Whether you’re covering up a little or a lot, go big or go home. There’s no such thing as overdressing. And don’t worry, no matter how phenomenally fancy you dress, there are bound to be hoards of gay men outshining you.
DON’T flash
The flashing, well…it’s a Mardi Gras tradition. If you must partake, be sure to use discretion. Those crusty old men dangling beads from Bourbon Street balconies are all somebody’s grandpa. Gross.
DO have a Hand Grenade….
“At night I’m in New Orleans drinkin’ hand grenades…”
Ludacris knew what was up. If you wanna be “pimpin’ all over the world” too, pop into one of the French Quarter bars that sell these deadly drinks. They’re giant, delicious and come in a really awesome cup, but beware—they’re potent. Have a few too many and I’ll tell you “whatcha gon’ do—ACT A FOOL!’’
DON’T be a grenade
Don’t fall in love at the shore—umm, I mean at Mardi Gras. I’m all about some frenzied fist-pumping with your friends. (No doubt it’s a great way to get attention and nab some beads at the parades.) But don’t spend your time in New Orleans following around some gorgeous guy you saw peacocking in his festival party pants. I know you’re on vacation and it’s tough—the bros in body paint and rhinestone-studded Speedos are my favorite too—but no exceptions. Stalking is a definite don’t, so make Pauly D proud and just do you.
Café DO Monde
Ok, technically it’s Café du Monde, but either way it’s the single most important part of your Mardi Gras—and any New Orleans—trip. I don’t care what crazy Spring Break diet you’re on. I don’t care if you think you’re too busy for breakfast. Budget your calories, budget your time, get yourself to the French Quarter’s famous coffee shop and order a café au lait and some beignets. Be sure to request about three times as many of the fried, powdered sugar-drenched puffed pastries as you think you want. You’ll thank me later.
Trust me—they’re even more delicious than that guy in the feathered thong.
Source:
“Pimpin’ All Over the World” by Ludacris from The Red Light District (2004).