Loving someone hundreds or thousands of miles away while building your own new life on campus is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things a college student can do. To most people, long distance is not an option. If I’m being 100% honest with you, I used to be one of those people. I had never been in a relationship throughout high school, but now, I’m in a long-distance relationship as a freshman in college. I’m definitely not going to say it’s easy, because it isn’t. But, something I can tell you is that it’s not the distance that’ll make or break the relationship- it’s how y’all handle it.
Long-distance relationships in college have a reputation for failing, but many don’t. The difference comes down to a few key habits both of you have to commit to. Can I say that my boyfriend and I manage these habits every time we talk? I wouldn’t say so. The most important point I need to make is: if you both want it to succeed, you both have to work for it.
PLAN TO SEE EACH OTHER AHEAD OF TIME
Our #1 favorite thing to do when we are together is to plan the next time we are going to see each other. Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but having a set time for the next time we will see each other makes every day apart easier to get through. Even if it is weeks away, it gives you something to count down to. It also helps us avoid the question of “when will I see you again?” and the stress that comes with it.
BUILD A COMPATIBLE ROUTINE
Something we don’t exactly do, but that I have heard from my friends doing long distance is building a routine of when to talk. My boyfriend and I have trouble with this because we have very different schedules, since he’s a college athlete. We enjoy calling here and there throughout early mornings and for a couple of minutes in between classes and practices. However, I do find it important to save all the big reflective conversations for our nightly FaceTime catch-ups. Having a nightly call gives both of us something to look forward to, even if we are not physically present. This can also help with balancing school and the relationship, ensuring both are prioritized every day.
DON’T FORGET TO DATE
Something that somewhat ties into what we just talked about is using your FaceTime calls as a date. Whether y’all decide to eat dinner together while on the phone, watch your favorite show (we love Love Island), or even study together while on the phone, it’s nice to spend time together that we’d otherwise spend apart. Don’t let the time that y’all could spend together go to waste.
COMMUNICATE EXPECTATIONS
Living in different places, I’m sure that y’all are living very different lives. Whether you go to university and they don’t, or vice versa, communicating your schedules and expectations is very important. You need to discuss how often y’all can talk, boundaries in social life, and what feels like enough maintenance of communication on a day-to-day basis. Just make sure you both clearly know the lifestyle adaptations you are both signing up for. If it doesn’t work for you two, that’s perfectly okay, but addressing what you’re willing to sacrifice and not is important early on.
TALK ABOUT YOUR FUTURES (TOGETHER??)
Tell your s/o all about your hopes and dreams for your future. Let them do the same. See if your futures align with the other person’s. If they don’t bring up their future aspirations, and you truly see them in your future, it’s important to talk about what the future looks like for both of you to be in each other’s lives. My boyfriend and I talk about the future all the time- from locations and higher education, to hopes and dreams. Speak your future together into existence if that is what y’all are hoping for.
WORK TOGETHER
A long-distance relationship requires constant communication, adaptation, and sacrifice. That doesn’t mean that being in a long-distance relationship isn’t SO worth it though! Just think about how privileged you are to miss someone so much! Not only that, but secretly having a relationship with a person that you’re not with 24/7 gives you the opportunity to be independent and live your own life.Â
Making an effort in your own life comes first. A relationship should be an addition to your life, not a burden. If you feel like your long-distance relationship makes you drained, exhausted, stressed, or anxious, you can always reevaluate. Not every long-distance relationship is meant to last, and that’s OKAY! As long as the relationship is something worth keeping and is supportive and beneficial, keep going! Y’all got this!