It happens to almost everybody. The moment when you stop and realize that you are leaving one chapter of your life and entering a new one: a new plot, new characters, and new settings. It’s not that I have been in denial, I just haven’t had the time to realize it since my thoughts have been consumed with life’s events. This was my first sign though. When I realized that I was no longer worrying about simple things, instead I was worrying about crucial things. What am I going to cook this week? When am I going to get to see my family? How am I going to afford toiletries, groceries, and clothing, and still have money for social functions? What career do I want for the rest of my life and what do I have to do to get there? What are my true passions and interests? Who even am I as a person? The list goes on. Point is that I grew up, and I did not realize that I am no longer in my childhood times. My worries used to consist of much simpler things, and in the blink of an eye, my childhood was gone.
Growing up can be scary, but it’s part of the exploration of finding your true identity and true self. When you are young, so much of your personality and who you are is a puzzle, but as you grow up you begin to put those pieces together. Here I am now sitting in my college apartment bedroom, I am slowly growing and learning things about myself. I am focusing on what makes me truly happy and learning what does that. I am surrounded by genuine friendships since the temporary ones have weeded themselves out. I love some of my closest friends from a distance now since we are all falling into our own personalities and creating a life for ourselves. We still manage to see each other when we can, but it does not compare to spending almost every day with them as I once did. I am still trying to adjust to living without my mom being in close proximity. Sometimes all I want is to walk over to the other room for a comforting hug, but that is something I now have to travel miles for. I now also have to take my journey into my own hands since I have reached the part of life where nothing is guaranteed. In my childhood, everything was for certain and there was no need to worry about the life I’d have if I didn’t have help. At this moment, the biggest stress is the realization that the decisions I make from this point on are painting my very own independent future.
I knew that this part of life was soon to come, and although I am technically still young, I am no longer in my childhood. I will forever miss when everything had a “homey” feel to it before distance became a factor in not seeing friends and family when I didn’t understand that everybody has different paths in life, and a majority of them would not align with mine. Living in the misconception that things would never change, but this was the blindness to the real world that comes along with youth. I’ve also had to understand that as we grow and realize who we wish to become, we tend to unconsciously leave those who no longer foster our growth, and that is ok. Nonetheless, I am so thankful for everybody who I have met up to this point even if they were just temporary. Seeing my elementary friends thriving in their own ways warms my heart since they were the first ones to define friendship for me. The memories I made with my softball and volleyball teammates would be the ones to sadden me the most. I think about them a lot, and I just hope they think of me when reflecting on the athletic days of their own childhood. To the friendships that fell apart due to the trials of our youth, I still appreciate you and hope for your success. I am lucky enough to see that some people are still with me today, but as for most, they are gone just like in my childhood. That chapter of life has been shut and the people who created it with me will go down as beautiful memories. These people helped me create some of the amazing stories I will tell my children, and the future holds the remainder of the script. As for the simplicity and purity that came with being a child, I will forever long for it, but I know that this is life. At the end of the day, I am just grateful that my childhood was full of beautiful moments that are worth remembering.